Both Conference Championships come down to the final play in dramatic fashion!

NPL Title Belt Match!

Bavarian Beagle Outfitters Microdome
Mattland, ME
Saturday, 5:17pm kickoff
Weather: Dome heating bill is too high, so a light jacket is recommended

“If you’re just tuning in, you’ve missed a slugfest! Back and forth they went, the #3 and #4 ranked offenses trading blows all the way into overtime. But time has ran out now for the Javelineers. Up by a score heading into the two minute warning, 30-25, the Javs now find themselves down by seven with seconds on the clock. Micropolitans kicker ‘Toe Punch’ Macarelli doinked the extra point off of the uprights just moments ago, leaving an opportunity not just for a tie, but for a potential win, should the Javelineers score and convert on a two point conversion attempt. Javelineers wide receiver Jay ‘Hands’ McJoshster made a surprise appearance as the kick returner and took the kickoff 44 yards to the Micropolitans 47 yard line. Joshtin Stubbert then found wide receiver Jay Jonah Josheson for a gain of eighteen, which was followed by a hurry up pass which ended with a spectacular catch and run by ‘Jaws’ Shua, the tight end. Shua scampered for sixteen yards after the catch, then dragged two Micropolitans defenders out of bounds to stop the clock with just two seconds remaining.

Now returning from the Micropolitans’ final timeout, the Javelineers have time for one play from the seven yard line. And here we go! Stubbert in shotgun, three wide left, single back in the backfield. Shua motions out wide right. Here’s the snap! Stubbert is looking…! Looking…! McJoshster is open in the back of the end zone… and the pass is… high! The pass is high! Stubbert missed him! The inattentive fan in the second row took that one right off the schnoz! Oh my goodness, there’s blood all over their Micropolitans jersey! Oh, my! What an end! The Micropolitans are going to their first Seer Cup!”

MATT WINS, 37-30

Ninja Mega Kitchen System Dome
Kevinglewood, CA
Sunday, 5:02pm kickoff
Weather: Swirling winds generated by exasperated sighs

“It was labeled ‘The Suck Bowl’ by NSPN. It was lambasted by sports fans around the world for the, and I quote, ‘ick’ of having two .500 teams playing for a chance to face the winners of yesterday’s Soothsayer Conference Championship, the Matt Micropolitans, in the Seer Cup. The Evil Entities and the Kevin Killcows both finished the regular season with an uninspiring seven wins and found themselves tied in the middle of the pack at 15th for offensive production. One team entered the post season as the unlikely Wild Card. The other team entered as a division champ of the second worst division in the NPL, the Sage Division, whose four teams totaled just two more combined wins than the two teams that battled in yesterday’s Soothsayer Conference Championship. Suffice it to say, the Clairvoyant Conference teams watching from home are wondering just how they fuc-uh…-fudged this postseason up so badly.

Like yesterday’s battle, the Clairvoyant Conference Championship also finds itself coming down to the final whistle. The Killcows have the ball deep in Evil Entities territory and are down a score, 21-14. There’s just 44 seconds remaining and both squads are out of timeouts now, following the Entities’ latest a few moments ago. It’s 4th and Goal from the eleven yard line and Killcows quarterback Kev Kthulu will need to channel some cosmic eldritch energy for the conversion here. Shotgun formation, empty backfield, five wide. Playoff hero Kevmarius Kill-Cowvinforth in the slot. Evil Entities playing back, willing to give up anything underneath but nothing into the end zone. Here’s the snap! Pressure from the right side and Kthulu is on the move, rolling left. Scanning… throwing… caught at the three by Kill-Cowvinforth! Makes a man miss, lunges for the end zone and… the ball is loose! It’s scooped up by the defense! It’s Ethorest Bucknerd and there’s no one to stop him! He’s going to do it again! Across the fifty! Forty! Thirty! Twenty three! Fourteen! Six! Touchdown, Evil Entities! What a turn of events!

With under thirty seconds on the clock and no timeouts, I think we can say the Killcows are officially cooked! Barring a miracle or a comedy of errors in the final moments, it looks like the unlikely Evil Entities, the 7-7 Wild Card team, will be Seer Cup bound for the first time since they lifted the trophy in 2016!”

ETHAN WINS, 28-14