The Eruption go dormant – too dormant – in Priiiiiiime Tiiiiiiime!

The Reremice fly, nocturnally, into Joshville and go rabid on the Javelineers defense. The flying rats were too much to handle for the Javs and leave the home team fans chanting for the termination of the defensive coordinator.

RYAN WINS, 45-24

The Baboons had a strong start, taking a 24-10 lead into halftime, but the Minotaurs stormed through the labyrinth and answered with an even more lopsided half for the big home win.

MICHAEL WINS, 45-32

The Sackbuts needed a bounce back after that last performance, and boy did they get it. They showed up to try out their new offensive scheme only to find that just 13 players made the trip from the Vapulaters. Easy W, but they’ll take it!

SAMUEL WINS, 28-0

Like Black Friday shoppers pushing through a wall of minimum wage employees for a 5% savings on a 65″ TV, both the Jaws-of-Life and the BB Cannons stormed into the end zone over and over in this match-up. It took an OT period and a last minute field goal for the home team to get the W.

BRENT WINS, 55-52

The Cari Bous faced criticism for their boring offense and passive defense last week, so they set out to silence the critics and really piled it on against their division rivals. They were one of the most impressive offenses of the week, much to the dismay of the hometown Rock Lobsters.

CARI WINS, 46-12

The Adam Bombs hosted the Braggadocios and were primed for an explosive performance right of the tunnel. They blow up for 489 yards passing, 134 yards rushing, and had a record-tying five players selected for “Player of the Game” in the blowout victory.

ADAM WINS, 38-13

The Blue Tits blew it on the road against the revamped LeScavengers defense. The home team got through for eleven sacks – twenty if you don’t count offsides penalties – and forced five turnovers in the big win.

LeSCOOT WINS, 44-15

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Wrecking Balls are taking no prisoners after losing the Seer Cup Championship to the Adam Bombs back in February. And we mean that literally – they captured and executed three Kelly Zeros players during the game until league officials stepped in and stopped that nonsense.

RACHEL WINS, 35-13

The Evil Entities are taking advantage, once again, of the easiest schedule in the NPL. In some bizarre handshake deal (one must assume), the Martians again fail to stand up to their division rival. Instead, they took the Sunday off to visit the Ethaniopan Zoo and its world famous squirrel pen.

ETHAN WINS, 27-0

The Cutthroats coaches called this one too close for comfort. And while the score is heavily in favor of Corey, the game was 15-12 for three full quarters. It wasn’t until ill-timed automated updates bricked some Androids that they were able to put it away.

COREY WINS, 28-12

The Labeorphiles and the Tichorrhines battled back and forth for four quarters only to end up in a deadlock at 24-24. The OT period was just too much work for a Sunday for the Labeorphiles.

TRAVIS WINS, 37-24

Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg with his golden leg just wasn’t enough for to overcome the Cannibals’ hungry offense. The legendary kicksmith booted 11-of-14 through the uprights to push this one to a 33-33 score at the end of regulation, but the Cannibals owned bonus time.

CHRIS WINS, 53-46

The Sausages sizzled in this road win over the home team Bongos. They forced the Brian defense onto the grill, slow cooked them for three hours, and then took a big ol’ bite en route to a blowout win. (It was a little gamey).

STEVEN WINS, 54-21

The Ballerinas look ready to burst, but the Killcows wouldn’t give them a chance to pop off. They hold the visitors scoreless in the fourth quarter and pull away like a father “just going out for a gallon of milk”, leaving DaVena in the rear view.

KEVIN WINS, 38-23

The Abactors defense was motivated in this one. When asked, defensive tackle Axellios Axellopoulos said the squad was promised that the Uncrustables would be restocked if they won by more than one score. “And they said none of that reduced sugar bullshit,” Axellopoulos added before high-fiving his teammates and joining them in the celebratory Twerk Circle.

AXELL WINS, 28-6

Some teams thrive and other teams crumble when the bright lights of PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME shine on them. The only thing that could cool the red hot Eruption offense was themselves, and their stage fright, it seems. They declined to leave the locker room and the Micropolitans took full advantage.

MATT WINS, 38-0