The Javelineers stay winless in 2025!

Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg was heated in his post game press conference, blaming the NPL’s placement of fly-by-wire cameras over the field for his misses. The NPL investigated itself and shrugged, and JMJJ was fined $1.8 million for his comments.

RYAN WINS, 27-12

The Minotaurs have been rolling behind one of the top offenses in the league through three weeks, but the Bongos confounded the Michael. Their striped jerseys confused the eyes of their opponents and interceptions were frequent as a result.

BRIAN WINS, 28-6

The Baboons pounce all over the Sausages in the opening quarter, taking an early 29-0 lead. The scoreboard operator was pretty bored from that point on, though Steven did add a couple garbage time field goals to keep the local drunks in line.

BERKENBILE WINS, 29-6

Two of the top 2024 offenses clash here and just as everyone anticipated, it was a defensive battle. The visiting Eruption won the turnover battle 7-5 and that was the difference maker in this lukewarm contest.

ERIK WINS, 18-6

The Ballerinas may have to just go as the “Rinas” from here on out, since they are certainly not ballers after getting ravaged at home by the visiting Micropolitans.

MATT WINS, 36-0

The Sackbuts had fans worried after their opening loss to the Tichorrhines back in Week 1, but they’ve strung together three solid performances – including this big win over Axell – to improve to 3-1 on the young 2025 season.

SAMUEL WINS, 27-12

Their airball in Week 2 set things on the wrong path for the Vapulaters. Since then, their defense has struggled to shut down any offenses that have faced them. Jennifer takes their turn and they hand Vince their third L in a row!

JENNIFER WINS, 37-22

The reigning Seer Cup champions haven’t had much fun on their victory tour in 2025. The Bombs have dropped three of their first four, including this massive goose egg against the Cutthroats, thanks to a stagnant offense under new OC, Eddem Addams.

COREY WINS, 38-0

Things were going well for Laci on offense until this disaster at home against the Braggadocios. But, Brandon will take it. They’ve clawed back from an 0-2 start to reach .500 on the season and make things interesting in the Foreteller division.

BRANDON WINS, 19-0

Back to back weeks with offensive struggles for the Tichorrhines, this time to the benefit of the LeScavengers, has cooled their otherwise hot start. Replacing their turf with hardwood flooring could also be a factor.

LeSCOOT WINS, 17-6

The Androids have been tinkering with all sorts of updates and experimental technologies this season, trying to get their bots up to snuff. Looks like it’s still a work in progress, as they get their hard drives absolutely defragged by this resurgent Blue Tits offense.

BETTE WINS, 36-0

NPL Title Belt Match!

This NPL Title Belt match-up had all the promise of a slugfest. Both offenses neck and neck in scoring. Both teams riding three-game winning streaks. Both teams in trouble with the NPL for gambling fixes. You name it! But, the Wrecking Balls once again defend their title, and stay undefeated, doubling up the visiting BB Cannons.

RACHEL WINS, 27-13

The Jaws-of-Life somehow snatched a victory from the jaws of defeat last week, but they ran into a competent offense this week. The home team Zeros returned Jerry to their losing ways with this sound performance.

KELLY WINS, 28-15

The Rock Lobsters haven’t looked the same since firing their OC, Racklyn Wricky, after their Week 1 overtime loss to Brian. They’ve looked much worse. Perhaps it wasn’t the OC that was the problem. The Evil Entities make easy work of this one.

ETHAN WINS, 28-0

The Cari Bous waltz into Martian territory and cruise to an easy victory on the backs of their rather impressive 2025 offense. They claw back to even, 2-2, after this big road win!

CARI WINS, 26-5

It was the clash of two titans, brother franchises from the league’s inception, in this PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME match-up! And once again for the Javelineers, it’s another three-plus touchdown performance from the offense countered by an absolute duck on the defensive side of the ball. The Cannibals take a bite out of the Javs to earn their first W that didn’t require a bonus period!

CHRIS WINS, 37-23