Can the Cari Bous Keep the Herd in the Win Column?

The Blue Tits put together one of the finer offensive performances from the Foreteller Division this week. Unfortunately, they welcomed the Baboons to town who were absolutely cooking on offense.

BERKENBILE WINS, 46-21

The Javelineers and LeScavengers had a bit of a dull game, with regulation ending at a 13-13 tie, only one touchdown from each offense. OT has been a second home to the LeScavengers so far this season, and they leveraged that comfort to hold off the late Javs surge.

LeSCOOT WINS, 36-33

The Reremice had this one well out of reach, 26-3, when they opted to take a game-ending safety in the final seconds, backed up on their own 1 yard line with under 5 seconds on the clock. The win is timely, propelling Ryan into an early Prophet Division lead.

RYAN WINS, 26-5

The visiting Braggadocios hand the Minotaurs their first loss of the season with a defensive performance that allowed fewer yards than an HOA president that is allergic to grass.

BRANDON WINS, 26-14

The Micropolitans rebound nicely from a disastrous performance in Week 3. They stomp all over the home team Jaws-of-Life in this one, leaning heavily on formations featuring four tight ends to take advantage of mismatches with the undersized Jaws-of-Life defense. Jerry officials are still pressuring the city to shut down the shrink ray factory next to the Jaws-of-Life practice facility, but the city insists that there have been no chemical leaks.

MATT WINS, 26-0

The Eruption had a fine offensive showing, but the Rock Lobsters came out of the locker room fired up. They set the tone early, jumping offsides on the first play to spray the opposing Erik offense with deer urine. At least, we hope it was deer.

RICKY WINS, 55-39

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Samuel Sackbuts like the hardware they’ve collected and refuse to give it up. They take down the visiting BB Cannons to hold onto the NPL Title Belt for another week!

SAMUEL WINS, 26-12

Down 33-39 with only fifteen seconds remaining, the Cari Bous made a bold play call. They hired a beekeeper to cover their RB from head to toe in bees, then handed that player the ball with 58 yards between him and the end zone. The Vapulaters defense is terrified of bees.

CARI WINS, 40-39

The Zeros had a zero in the loss column heading into this one, and all things considered, played a decent game. The Ballerinas, however, were just a little bit better today and win their second straight to keep the Sage Division interesting.

DaVENA WINS, 36-24

The Killcows rebound from their loss last week, and my kindergarten understanding of physics reminds me that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction, so it makes sense that the Evil Entities rebounded in the other direction, and lose.

KEVIN WINS, 18-5

To drum up fan support, the Axell Abactors instructed fans to “Pick our next play!” on their website. Unfortunately, the internet did its thing and called basically the opposite of what was needed. Miranda wasn’t on top of their game, but they get the W easily in this one.

MIRANDA WINS, 18-0

The 1-2 Labeorphiles really made this one interesting, taking the 3-0 Sausages all the way to the final play of the overtime period. Down one, the Sausages cooked up a hook-and-ladder that went for 57 yards as time expired, making the Laci defense look like the wurst.

STEVEN WINS, 50-45

The hot Cutthroats offense takes their show on the road and extends their win streak to three games over the host Cannibals team. The Cannibals hoped for the easy week gifted to the Bongos and Juggernauts, but luck has not been on their side so far this season.

COREY WINS, 26-14

The Andrew Androids had pipeline issues and couldn’t deploy the game plan to their offense before kickoff. That made things really easy for the visiting Bongos defense.

BRIAN WINS, 29-0

JMJJ had a break from shooting “The Man with the Golden Leg”, opposite of Daniel Radcliffe’s James Bond, and suited up for the Juggernauts this week. It did not matter at all though, as the host Travis Tichorrhines lost a day due to a time travel event that was miscalculated and showed up to the stadium 24 hours late.

JOEL WINS, 28-0

The Jennifer Jellyfish hosted the Rachel Wrecking Balls in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME, fired up to take on their conference rival. Their excitement was soured early when it was discovered that a coach left their playbook in a hotel bar, spoiling the game plan. The Jellyfish scrambled, turning to Josh Wa, Assistant Offensive Coordinator of the Javelineers, who provided the Javelineers playbook used a day earlier against LeScoot. It did not go well for the Jellyfish. Rachel took full advantage of the confusion, personnel issues, and lack of practice for the Jellyfish running the Javs’ offense, and cruised to a big win to stay at the top of the Augur Division.

RACHEL WINS, 26-6