INTRODUCING: Safeties

“Hey, Commish. Why is it that when I don’t submit my picks, my incorrect and correct totals are still going up. I want to be a pain in the ass and not submit my picks, giving a Free Win to an undeserving opponent, thereby alienating myself in my division.”

Why are you getting Correct and Incorrect picks when you don’t submit? Here’s why.

In order to penalize the player that did not submit, while rewarding their opponent, without guaranteeing the outcome of the match-up, a new system has been put in place. This system is nicknamed “Safeties”.

Life happens. Sometimes you’re too drunk to submit. Sometimes you’re too high to remember. What Safeties does is submit picks for you. These safety picks are not good.

Here’s how it works:

— Using the experts at ESPN as the barometer for accuracy, the player that did not submit is assigned the 10 underdogs.

— Five “toss-up games”, those most likely to go either direction, are then removed from those underdog picks and changed to “DNS” (Did Not Submit).

— This leaves the player with 5 picks and 5 “DNS”.

The player will receive the “Did Not Submit” badge and cannot qualify for any other badges that week. The opposing player will receive the “Free Win” badge if they win, and will be publicly shamed if they lose (badges not created for this scenario… yet).

What this system does is still leave the outcome in some doubt while severely handicapping the airhead that put his or her life’s events before the greatest league ever created.

That is all. Good day.

I said good day, sir!