The NPL Awards – 2022

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2022 NPL Season Awards!

[applause]

Now’s the time we look back on the season and hand out prestigious awards for players that achieved amazing things in the NPL this year!

[applause, cheers]

Yes! That’s right! For example, we’ll once again hand Joel his annual Wilderness Girl awards for gaming the Badges system!

[laughter]

It’s good to see that Josh made it this evening. Where have you been? Did you even play last year?

[laughter]

You know who I’m not seeing here tonight? Jennifer. The reigning Player of the Year. She does know she didn’t win this time, right? Like, she’s not calling it a stolen award and is currently rallying her fans to storm this ceremony, is she?

[laughter, cheers]

Also missing tonight are some regular nominees, the people that seem to fill the seats here every December. Finally, Cari and Laci are not nominated tonight for worst accuracy or most Lonesome Losers. Hell, Cari got so tired of being nominated for those awards she started attending via satellite.

[laughter]

It wasn’t because of Covid!

[more laughter, grown men weeping from the hilarity]

Alright, ladies and gentlemen! So good to have you all here tonight. Let’s have some fun. And now to present our first award, the living NPL legend at runninback for the Bombs, please welcome Mister Adam Ademma!

[standing ovation]

The NPL Awards - 2022

The WILLIAM TELL Award
Given to the Most Accurate Player
Brian (Bongos) 64.29%

Brian bested Joel by ONE PICK to claim this award

The HELEN KELLER Award
Given to the least accurate player
Andrew (Androids) 41.4%

Andrew failed to submit 21 picks this season, which hurt his number here

The OUT ON A LIMB Award
Given to the player with the most Lonesome Loser awards
Travis (Tichorrhines) 5

Travis was out on a limb more than anyone, winning this and the next award for unique picks

The HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO Award
Given to the player with the most Solo Soothsayer awards
Travis (Tichorrhines) 4

See?

The MAD WORLD Award
Given to the player with the most Monday Madness awards
Several Players 3

Brian (Bongos), Berkenbile (Baboons), and Joel (Juggernauts) all finished with three awards

The SOMEBODY'S CLOSER Award
Given to the player with lowest Average Monday Madness Difference (AMMD)
Brian (Bongos) 6.00
The I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY GET PAID FOR THIS Award
Given to the player with the most “Are You Smarter Than ESPN?” Awards
Brian (Bongos) 8

Josh (Javelineers) was right on his heels with seven AYST awards

The JAY-Z Award
Given to the player with the highest accuracy with a losing record
Brandon (Braggadocios) 61.4% accuracy, 6-8 record

Brandon finished higher in league accuracy (t-3rd) than he did in his own division (4th)

The KARDASHIAN Award
Success without any measurable skills - given to the player with the lowest accuracy and a winning record
Adam (Bombs) 52.9% accuracy, 8-6 record

Adam's accuracy was good enough for 20th in the NPL

The HONEY, I’M WORKING LATE AT THE OFFICE Award
Given to the player with the most games decided by the Monday Madness tiebreaker
Michael (Minotaurs) 8 games

Michael was 5-3 in Monday Madness Tiebreakers, which is good enough to earn him the next medal as well...

The IT’S A NUMBERS GAME Award
Given to the player that won the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
Michael (Minotaurs) 5 wins

Brian (Bongos), LeScoot (LeScavengers) and Corey (Cutthroats) were next best with four wins in OT

The NOISY CRICKET Award
More dangerous than they look. Given to the player that has lost the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
Ricky (Rock Lobsters) 6 losses

Ricky and Brandon (Braggadocios) tied with 6 losses, however, Brandon did get a win as well, while Ricky suffered to an 0-6 finish in MM tiebreakers

The WILDERNESS GIRLS Award
Given to the player that has collected the most badges.
Joel (Juggernauts) 43 unique badges

Joel has 17 more badges than the next closest player (Brian)

The GOLDEN ROCK LOBSTER Award
Given to the most deserving player to lose to the worst team
LeScoot (LeScavengers)

LeScoot was one of three losses to Vince, but he earns the nod here because Vince dropped a Platinum Week (10 correct) on LeScoot in that match-up

The I LOVE GOOOOOLD Award
Given to player with the most Quality Week Medal points (5 for Platinum, 3 for Gold, 2 for Silver, 1 for Bronze)
Chris (Cannibals) 11 points

Chris bested four others at 10 points. He collected one Gold week, three Silver weeks, and two Bronze weeks en route to a... [checks notes] ...6-8 record.

The FELL OFF A CLIFF Award
Given to a top player of the first half that crumbled in the second half
Bette (Blue Tits) 6-1 first half, 2-5 second half

Well... 2022 certainly took a turn, eh?

The REPORTS OF MY DEMISE HAVE BEEN GROSSLY EXAGGERATED Award
Given to a struggling player of the first half that rallied in the second half to make the playoffs
Josh (Javelineers) 3-4 first half, 6-1 second half

Brian had the best second half at 7-0, but he had a winning record in the first half of the season

The LOSERS BRACKET Award
Given to the player that really should have a much better record
Brandon (Braggadocios)

Brandon's first four losses were due to Monday Madness tiebreakers and ended up with a 1-6 record in overtime, while finishing t-3rd in the NPL in pick accuracy, higher than anyone in his division

The NPL Player of the Year Award
Top Player of the 2022 Season
Brian (Bongos)

Brian closed out the year with an eight game winning streak and finished first in the league in pick accuracy (64.3%), t-1st with an 11-3 record (Ethan, Joel), set a record for AMMD (6.00), and won the 'I Am Smarter Than ESPN' award. No one was better this year!