The NPL Awards – 2023

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back for another exciting show! It’s the NPL Awards!

[applause]

Now’s the time we look back on the season and hand out prestigious, and not so prestigious, awards for players that achieved amazing things in the NPL this year!

[applause, cheers]

Yeah! That’s right! For example, we’ll scrape Axell’s remains off of the pavement from his second half freefall and give him an award for it!

[laughter]

Andrew is here tonight!

[applause, cheers]

Andrew was one of three players in the 2023 season to reach 11 wins! That’s as many wins as his previous two seasons combined, and only the second time in his prestigious career that he topped six wins! So, Andrew, when you’re up here to present we’re also going to need you to fill this little jar for us!

[laughter]

Also joining us in Bizarro Land is Ricky!

[laughter, cheers]

You know Ricky won nine games in the inaugural 2007 season? He’s been chasing that high ever since! This year marks his fourth time since then with eight wins! So, just like me with Costco samples, Ricky is like, “Just one more… just one more!”

[laughter]

Alright, ladies and gentlemen! So good to have you all here tonight. Let’s have some fun! To present our first award, a man whose foot is a registered weapon in 11 states! A man who has more kicks on film than Chuck Norris! Ladies and gentlemen, join me in welcoming future Hall of Famer, Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg!

[standing ovation]

The NPL Awards - 2023

The WILLIAM TELL Award Given to the Most Accurate Player
Kevin (Killcows) 62.86%

Kevin missed his career best accuracy by one pick!

The HELEN KELLER Award Given to the least accurate player
Cari (Bous) 40.0%

This was Cari's career worst pick accuracy by one pick!

The OUT ON A LIMB Award Given to the player with the most Lonesome Loser awards
Travis (Tichorrhines) & Laci (Labeorphiles) 7

Travis and Laci do NOT submit the same picks, believe it or not. They're both wildly different. So the husband and wife tying for this award is special!

The HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO Award Given to the player with the most Solo Soothsayer awards
Laci (Labeorphiles) 4

Laci goes out on a limb more than anyone in the league with her unique approach to her picks.

The MAD WORLD Award Given to the player with the most Monday Madness awards
Ricky (Rock Lobsters) 4

Ricky bested several other NPL players in this category by one more MM award!

The SOMEBODY'S CLOSER Award Given to the player with lowest Average Monday Madness Difference (AMMD)
Ricky (Rock Lobsters) 7.43
The I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY GET PAID FOR THIS Award Given to the player with the most “Are You Smarter Than ESPN?” Awards
Brandon (Braggadocios) 8

Brandon spent over half of the season dunking on the ESPN experts to claim this one!

The JAY-Z Award Given to the player with the highest accuracy with a losing record
Joel (Juggernauts) 59.3% accuracy, 6-8 record

Joel finished 7th in the league in pick accuracy, but 3rd in his division in win-loss!

The KARDASHIAN Award Success without any measurable skills - given to the player with the lowest accuracy and a winning record
Vince (Vapulaters) 52.9% accuracy, 8-6 record

Vince was 26th in the league in pick accuracy, but won his division!

The HONEY, I’M WORKING LATE AT THE OFFICE Award Given to the player with the most games decided by the Monday Madness tiebreaker
7-way Tie 5 games

Ethan (Evil Entities), Josh (Javelineers), Vince (Vapulaters), Rachel (Wrecking Balls), Michael (Minotaurs), Jerry (Jaws of Life), and Ricky (Rock Lobsters) all tied with 5 games that went to Monday Madness!

The IT’S A NUMBERS GAME Award Given to the player that won the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
Brent (BB Cannons) 4 wins

Josh (Javelineers), Vince (Vapulaters), and Brent each won four Monday Madness tiebreakers, but Brent was the only of the three that was undefeated in the bonus period!

The NOISY CRICKET Award More dangerous than they look. Given to the player that has lost the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
7-way tie 3 losses

Kelly (Zeros), Jerry (Jaws of Life), Joel (Juggernauts), Ethan (Evil Entities), Travis (Tichorrhines), Rachel (Wrecking Balls), and Ryan (Reremice) each lost three Monday Madness tiebreakers. Kelly, Travis, and Ryan were the only players in this group to not have a Monday Madness win!

The WILDERNESS GIRLS Award Given to the player that has collected the most badges.
Kevin (Killcows) 59 unique badges

Kevin was the only player to top 50 badges this season!

The GOLDEN ROCK LOBSTER Award Given to the most deserving player to lose to the worst team
Ricky (Rock Lobsters)

The award named in honor of Ricky is now awarded to Ricky! What luck! Ricky gave Cari one of her two wins on the season by only guessing four games correctly in week seven!

The I LOVE GOOOOOLD Award Given to the player with the most Quality Week Medal points (5 for Platinum, 3 for Gold, 2 for Silver, 1 for Bronze)
Brandon (Braggadocios) 11 points

Brandon joined Kevin (Killcows; 10) as the only players with double digit Quality Week points. Brandon got there with five Silver medals and one Bronze medal!

The FELL OFF A CLIFF Award Given to a top player of the first half that crumbled in the second half
Axell (Abactors) 6-1 first half, 2-5 second half

Axell started the 2023 campaign on a blistering pace with a 6-0 record. From Week 7 on, Axell finished 2-6! D'oh!

The REPORTS OF MY DEMISE HAVE BEEN GROSSLY EXAGGERATED Award Given to a struggling player of the first half of the season that rallied in the second half on the season
LeScoot (LeScavengers) 1-6 first half, 6-1 second half

Only Brent (BB Cannons), Bette (Blue Tits), and Michael (Minotaurs) performed as well as LeScoot did in the second half. That first half though... oof!

The LOSERS BRACKET Award Given to the player that really should have a much better record
Joel (Juggernauts)

Joel's 83 correct picks were best in his division and would have topped at least two other divisions as well. Joel also lost three out of four Monday Madness tiebreakers to drag his record down to 6-8 on the year!

NPL Rookie of the Year Award Top Rookie of the 2023 Season
Erik (Eruption)

Erik didn't exactly storm the league as a rookie, posting the second worst accuracy (42.9%) with a 5-9 record... but he was the only rookie, so he claims this one by default! Woo!

NPL Player of the Year Award Top Player of the 2023 Season
Brent (BB Cannons)

Brent set a new NPL record in wins this season with 13, losing just one contest back in Week 8 to Rachel (Wrecking Balls). Brent finished 2nd in the league in pick accuracy (61.4%), just two picks out of first!