We Took a LEAP OF FAITH and Totally NAILED It With This Write-Up

by Benedict Undersnatch

November 21, 2019


NPL Week Eleven – Results!

THE NUT JOB that made the schedule should be shot with a REVOLVER and be sent to the AFTER.LIFE for booking teams against the opponent that they (likely) played last week. Whoops. It’s the Week 11 Write-Up, starring Liam Neeson!

Lauren

vs

Ryan

THE PROPHET Division is pulling away from the Lychnobites, who sat in SILENCE in the final minutes of this blowout road loss. Lauren can definitely be LES MISÉRABLES following their third straight loss putting them in the cellar with Vince. RYAN WINS, 53-32

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Lauren73232
Ryan91153

Vince

vs

Jason

THE MISSION for both teams was to be CROSSING THE LINE for six points. Jason, notching only a safety and a field goal, absolutely failed in that mission. VINCE WINS, 18-5

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Vince55418
Jason46115

Andrew

vs

Rachel

The Androids were scoring NON-STOP against the home team Wrecking Balls, having TAKEN 3 interceptions to the house in a huge win for the ‘droids. ANDREW WINS, 64-42

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Andrew100864
Rachel821142

LeScoot

vs

Josh

THE HAUNTING of the injury to JDIII’s throwing hand in Week Four may have made the veteran a little GUN SHY in overtime, where the Javs managed only a single score against the super high impact defense of the LeScavengers. LeSCOOT WINS, 63-46

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
LeScoot82463
Josh822146

Michael

vs

Berkenbile

THE GREY alternate uniforms for the Minotaurs may have kicked off another uniform curse for the team, after their initial uniform upgrade in Week Two began a four-week skid. The Baboons sink Michael’s BATTLESHIP two weeks in a row. BERKENBILE WINS, 56-42

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Michael82242
Berkenbile911356

Cari

vs

Brandon

With the ‘Bous UNDER SUSPICION for rampant performance enhancing drug use since the drug tester was taken hostage by Cari in Week 7, one would have to SUSPECT they aren’t as good as they looked in the early weeks. That’s four losses in their last five games. BRANDON WINS, 56-51

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Cari821451
Brandon82956

Jerry

vs

Brent

It’s UNKOWN what the hell happened to the BB Cannons this season, but it’s clear their mojo was TAKEN, as they fall to 3-8 on the year following this loss to the Jaws-of-Life. JERRY WINS, 54-24

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Jerry91854
Brent641524

Kevin

vs

Corey

The potential of the Cutthroats defense came SHINING THROUGH in what is being called FIVE MINUTES IN HEAVEN for the defense that recorded two scoop-and-scores and one pick-six in the final five minutes of the first half. COREY WINS, 44-32

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Kevin73232
Corey821144

Joel

vs

Steven

It’s a tale of two teams for the Sausages this year, and you can draw the line from success to failure based on BEFORE AND AFTER playing the DaVena Ballerinas. Since that loss, the Sausages are 1-4, thanks to Joel crushing the Sausages in the payback win here. JOEL WINS, 63-42

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Joel100463
Steven82342

Jennifer

vs

DaVena

The Ballerinas at halftime indicated they needed more heart and to play for a love of the game, after being down 21-3. But ORDINARY LOVE just isn’t good enough. In fact, LOVE ACTUALLY is not all that helpful when the other team is cramming your facemask down your throat. JENNIFER WINS, 45-23

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Jennifer821245
DaVena64523

Miranda

vs

Chris

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Cannibals gameplan was to RUN ALL NIGHT against the struggling run defense of the Martians. However, they did not anticipate Miranda’s ENTOURAGE of linebackers to limit the yardage as effectively as they did. In overtime, MIRANDA WINS, 55-52

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Miranda821055
Chris821352

Ethan

vs

Laci

Someone will need to contact THE NEXT OF KIN for several Labeorphiles players that either died from alcohol poisoning or head trauma – we’re not sure yet. Ethan Ebow, as classy as he is, led the Evil Entities in a PRAYER FOR THE DYING Laci players. ETHAN WINS, 54-0

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Ethan911654
Laci3710

Travis

vs

Kelly

The Kelly Zeros failed to show, and even if they did show, they may as well have been having BREAKFAST ON PLUTO given how good the Tichorrhines were looking in pregame drills. TRAVIS WINS, 64-0

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Travis100464
Kelly14850

Adam

vs

Ricky

THE A-TEAM really shined in PRIIIIIME TIIIIIME, taking out the Rock Lobsters. After winning their third straight, the Adam Bombs are in HIGH SPIRITS heading into Week 12. ADAM WINS, 54-32

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Adam912454
Ricky73132

Player of the Week

PLATINUM WEEK

Joel Juggernauts

Joel Juggernauts

Correct: 10, Incorrect: 0, MM off by: 4

Solo Soothsayer

None
Lonesome Loser

Monday Magician

Are You Smarter Than ESPN?

  • the_commish says:

    Andrew and Travis also notched 10 correct this week. Travis barely lost Player of the Week to Joel, whose MM score was off by 3 on submission – but got the +1 modifier for not being an odd score.

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