Can the Adam Bombs Blow Up Kevin’s 4-0 Record?

The Javelineers javelined (is that a verb?) the Zeros here, rebounding from their first loss of the season following some shaky offensive performances from star QB, JDIII. JOSH WINS, 36-21

The Rock Lobsters and the Androids were flexed out of a prime time game this week, and then put up a combined 93 points when no one was watching. RICKY WINS, 49-44

The Minotaurs top the Martians in this match-up on the strength of 194 rushing yards from RB Mickey Manatee, the rookie out of Sea World University who turned down a lucrative animal prison career for a shot in the NPL. MICHAEL WINS, 37-22

The Wrecking Balls were not messing around in this one, dominating the Reremice in a manner that would normally require a safe word. RACHEL WINS, 44-22

The JeStErS are the last team you want to face in the NPL this season, despite their now 3-2 record. They are making a historic run at offensive records in the NPL. The Cannibals offense shined in the loss, but the defense could not keep up with the clowns. JASON WINS, 54-39

Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg notched 8 field goals in the win over Vince, and even threw his 22nd career touchdown pass, his first in 8 seasons, on a nice 43 yard rainbow to TE Jonny Joelsy. Easy win here for the Juggernauts. JOEL WINS, 29-6

The Lychnobites started 2020 a little cold, but they’ve since come around. This win over the Sausages puts them just one game out of first place right before the midway point in the season. LAUREN WINS, 36-22

Two expansion teams battled it out on our Yahoo! streaming channel, where a whopping 302 viewers watched in real time. Brian got the better of the Micropolitans in this one. BRIAN WINS, 36-21

The LeScavengers, tired of all the close games and the drama, decided they would just put this one out of reach early. With 31 unanswered points to start the game, they were able to relax and actually enjoy the sideline mojitos that are typically supplied at Ballerina home games. LeSCOOT WINS, 47-15

With all eyes on the undefeated Jaws-of-Life and the high flying JeStErS offense, the only other undefeated team in the NPL is flying under the radar. I won’t mention who they are. BRANDON WINS, 36-23

The 0-4 Bombs agains the 4-0 Killcows? Surely this game will go as expected with those goose eggs remaining in their nests (do geese have nests?). Just kidding. The Killcows just got NPL’d. In OT, ADAM WINS, 39-36

Another great, back and forth match up this week with the Blue Tits visiting the Jellyfish. Luckily the promo at Diaper Genie Stadium was for heart attack medication. They need it after this crushing OT loss. BETTE WINS, 42-41

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Jaws-of-Life continue to roll, pushing around the Cutthroats for a big road win. We’re honestly getting tired of writing that, so can someone please beat the JoL? JERRY WINS, 38-23

The BB Cannons and the Labeorphiles needed a bonus period to get this one figured out. Tied at 24-24 at the end of regulation, the two teams known more for their drunken offensive linemen than offensive efficiency put together a few decent scoring drives. BRENT WINS, 39-38

The Tichorrhines are an anomaly in the 2020 season. They take the OT win here over the Bous to improve to 3-2 on the year, despite the worst offense in the league. It’s almost like they’re trying to tank for the #1 pick but keep getting unlucky and win. TRAVIS WINS, 27-16

The Baboons visit the Evil Entities in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIIIME amidst the home team’s indecisiveness at QB. Ebow gets the start in this one and has a respectable 86 yards passing in the first half. He’s ultimately benched for Etua Ethovailoa who also passes for 86 yards in the second half. Shit’s confusing yo. ETHAN WINS, 36-22