The NPL Title Belt Curse Strikes Again!

NPL Title Belt Match!

The NPL Title Belt curse(?) strikes again: win, defend, lose. As good as Matt has been, they are no exception. Now it’s Ryan’s turn to go through the cycle after claiming this victory. RYAN WINS, 37-22

The Javs offense is doing work, but the defense still looks like a collection of QWOP guys that are learning how to walk. Thankfully, the JeSteRs offense was plagued with actual plagues. The injury cart was replaced with a ‘Bring Out Yer Dead’ cart at one point. JOSH WINS, 28-12

The Minotaurs look to distance themselves from the rest of the pathetic Prophet Division and find themselves as the lone team in the division with a winning record after taking this contest over the Vince Vapulaters. MICHAEL WINS, 37-14

The Sackbuts don’t need any favors as a Top 3 offense in the NPL, but that didn’t stop Berkenbile from feeling generous. They gift the visiting team a win this week. SAMUEL WINS, 26-0

The Jaws-of-Life sneak by the Braggadocios to improve to 5-1 on the year – the exact record that Brandon missed in this game. The Braggadocios have plenty of people to blame, but most point to the live bears that were released on the field in the 3rd quarter by the Jaws-of-Life. JERRY WINS, 28-12

The Blue Tits get a big win on the road against the usually stout BB Cannons and improve to 5-1, claiming the lone spot at the top of the Foreteller Division. BETTE WINS, 35-21

The LeScavengers are finally on the winning side of a high scoring game, humbling the once red-hot Cari Bous in overtime. Cari counters their three game winning streak with a three game losing streak, bringing balance to the Psychic Division. LeSCOOT WINS, 62-53

Don’t look now, but after a three game winning streak – including this blowout over the Martians – the Laci Labeorphiles are on top of the Auspex Division and sport one of the better offenses in the conference. What in the wild world of sports is going on here? LACI WINS, 29-6

There was one questionable call in the 4th quarter that cost Ethan a touchdown and a running back. But to the refs’ credit, no one had tried running someone over with the injury cart during a play before. TRAVIS WINS, 47-31

With the fall of the Micropolitans to the Reremice, and this victory at home over the Corey Cutthroats in OT, Rachel is now the lone undefeated team in the NPL. And crazy enough, there’s really no pressure to stay undefeated when the rest of the division is already four games back by week six. RACHEL WINS, 31-28

The Zeros finally didn’t put up a zero. Instead, they were gifted a win from the Androids who were busy undergoing a team-wide replacement of agility servos. KELLY WINS, 20-0

The Killcows have been heating up – the offense is really starting to find its groove. But one game removed from their first win of the season, they get bested by the Juggernauts on the road. Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg returns to form with a perfect 9-for-9 on field goals over 40 yards on the left hash marks. He was 4-for-7 otherwise. JOEL WINS, 46-33

The Jellyfish didn’t have a great showing here, despite being the #1 offense in the Clairvoyant Conference. Still, didn’t need much to defeat the floundering Cannibals who drop their second straight. JENNIFER WINS, 18-6

All you need is one. As in, when you play the Axell Abactors this year, all you need is one point usually. The polar opposite of their division leader, Jennifer, Axell now has the worst record and is the #32 offense in the NPL. Yeesh. STEVEN WINS, 35-0

Jennifer is #1 in NPL power rankings, but DaVena will not let them pull away. The Ballerinas answer Jennifer’s win over an Oracle Division opponent with one of their own and improve to 5-1 alongside Jennifer. DAVENA WINS, 29-14

The annual PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME game between the Rock Lobsters and the A-Bombs was a massive disappointment to anyone that tuned in to watch. The Adam Bombs gift their rival a free win. RICKY WINS, 38-0