Like a Stone, The Javs Continue to Sink

Like the kid that didn’t study enough and had to ignore the repeated calls of “Pencils down, please!”, the Baboons needed just a little more time. They take this one in OT. BERKENBILE WINS, 17-16

NPL Title Belt Match!

Like the stubborn father that is convinced they could get the car running on their own just by watching YouTube, the Minotaurs just couldn’t get it going today. CARI WINS, 26-4

Like the student that finally figured out the assignment right at the end of the last study session, the Reremice had to stay up late but were able to get this one done at home. In OT, RYAN WINS, 48-37

Like an adulterer confessing their sins on their deathbed to their spouse, this one fell apart right at the end for the Javelineers. BRENT WINS, 39-26

Like a racehorse addicted to cocaine, the Blue Tits had no trouble out-pacing the competition in this one. BETTE WINS, 35-13

Like the fringe member of the friend group, Brandon showed up to their friends’ place only to find that they weren’t even there. Free Win as a parting gift, at least! BRANDON WINS, 35-0

Like a blackjack player dealt ace-king, the Sackbuts doubled down the LeScavengers. Hit me! SAMUEL WINS, 28-14

Like the stoner teenager at their first part-time job, the Micropolitans didn’t have to do much to succeed, just had to do enough to not get in trouble. MATT WINS, 19-5

Like the billionaire trying to guess how much an average American family spends on groceries in a week, the Sausages were not even remotely close in this one. RACHEL WINS, 56-0

Like Danny Ocean after adding an eighth member to his team set to take down three Las Vegas casinos in one night, Joel just needed three more. JOEL WINS, 37-34

Like a child that gets lost in a state park with no trail experience or equipment, the Cannibals just couldn’t find their way in this one. MIRANDA WINS, 10-0

Like in a cartoon where a single snowflake that lands atop a snowy mountain peak and first forms a humble snowball only to build and build as its momentum carries what becomes an overwhelmingly large snowball toward the small mountainside village below, Laci just keeps rolling. LACI WINS, 38-33

Like John Connor forming the resistance against the Cyberdyne Systems uprising, the DaVena Ballerinas were not going to let machines intimidate them. DAVENA WINS, 27-12

Like a monkey wearing boxing gloves and roller skates, the Travis Tichorrhines just couldn’t hang. AXELL WINS, 17-4

Like the last asshole to get a chance to bid on contestant’s row on The Price Is Right, Corey waited until overtime then outbid the Killcows by one fucking dollar point! COREY WINS, 33-32

Like a father playing driveway basketball with his child and trying his best to keep them interested in the game, but at the same time clearly wanting to establish athletic dominance, the Evil Entities let the Bongos keep the score close for a minute in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME before really demoralizing them. ETHAN WINS, 55-32