The Dust Starts to Settle on the Playoff Picture

The Michael Minotaurs do double duty here (doody) and clinch the Prophet Division championship while eliminating the LeScavengers from playoff contention. Hang that banner, boys!

MICHAEL WINS, 26-0

The Soothsayer Suck Bowl comes to a conclusion and the 2-10 Baboons demolish the 3-9 Adam Bombs. They don’t have much to play for, so the teams used Taco Bell coupons as motivation.

BERKENBILE WINS, 26-4

The Reremice needed this one to stay in the hunt, but the Braggadocios wanted it just a little bit more. The latter improves to 8-5 with this win, right in the thick of things for the Wild Card, while the Reremice will be spectators this post-season.

BRANDON WINS, 47-12

It’s been a disappointing season for both the visiting Micropolitans and the home Jaws-of-Life. Usually scheduling a banner hanging ceremony at this point in the season, both franchises will instead be watching from home after Week 14.

JERRY WINS, 35-21

Brent didn’t really need the win, having clinched the division a while ago, but that wasn’t stopping them from playing spoiler. They crush the playoff hopes of the Sackbuts with this home victory.

BRENT WINS, 47-32

The Rock Lobsters are in the hunt and need every win they can to guarantee a spot in the post season. So naturally, they drop this one to the home team Eruption and make things just a little more interesting.

ERIK WINS, 17-5

Thanks to running into the right team at the right time, the Vapulaters have snagged their first Mystic Division championship banner, and return to the playoffs for the first time since their Seer Cup loss back in 2013!

VINCE WINS, 17-0

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Evil Entities may not make the playoffs, but they are enthusiastic about ruining the chances for other teams they face in the final weeks of the year. They take down the top of the Sage Division with a close overtime victory here, just to muddy the waters in that division a little bit, and claim the NPL Title Belt in the process.

ETHAN WINS, 56-53

The Abactors had high hopes to start the year, but have since fumbled (butt fumble?) in the latter half of the season. They get curb stomped by the visiting Wrecking Balls in this one, who now have a shot at a Wild Card thanks to the W.

RACHEL WINS, 47-15

The Zeros cling desperately to the narrow Augur Division lead and get a clutch home win that may have just killed DaVena’s hopes at reaching the post season.

KELLY WINS, 35-22

The Jennifer Jellyfish are thankful that the Martians were unable to suit up this afternoon, due to a rash that spread through the home team locker room. They claim an easy W and look to steal the division from Kevin next week.

JENNIFER WINS, 35-0

The Bongos get bounced by the Cutthroats in this blowout loss, crippling Brian’s playoff chances. They are not within reach of a Wild Card, but should chaos happen, they could still potentially sneak away with the division banner at 7-7 with a win next week.

COREY WINS, 26-5

The Juggernauts needed this one and they got it. They take down the visiting Labeorphiles to stay in contention for the division championship. On the other side of the field, the Labeorphiles are in striking distance of a Wild Card should things go their way next week.

JOEL WINS, 38-23

The Cannibals fall to 7-6 after this blowout loss to the Androids. Andrew is the only team in the Clairvoyant Conference to clinch a division at this point, so they didn’t need the win, but watching others hurt is part of their programming to understand the human condition.

ANDREW WINS, 46-5

The Sausages sizzle and take out the home team Tichorrhines in a decisive victory to keep their division championship aspirations alive for one more week. It all comes down to Week 14 for the Oracle Division, with every team at or one game out from first place.

STEVEN WINS, 29-5

The Javelineers would like a redo on the second half of 2023. This loss to Bette in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME drops them to 3-3 in the second half, with all three victories being narrow overtime wins. The Blue Tits, however, used this victory to finally outright claim the Foreteller Division championship, their third straight.

BETTE WINS, 37-24