The Division Races Are As Clear As Mud With Four Weeks To Go!

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Minotaurs looked to get revenge on the Javelineers in their second and final match-up of the 2024 regular season in a contest that gives the winner the NPL Title Belt and the division lead. But, Joshtin Stubbert is on an MVP-caliber tear for the #1 offense in the NPL, and they proved too much to handle for Michael.

JOSH WINS, 56-41

The Reremice didn’t need any help from the Baboons here, but they got it anyway. The visiting team took the day off, as it conflicted with the weekend spa getaway they won on 97.5 KBRK, so the Reremice suited up and played against volunteers from the stands. Don’t worry, they signed waivers.

RYAN WINS, 54-0

The Vapulaters put an end to their 7-game skid by defeating the home town Sackbuts in a high scoring thriller. Samuel used the Icy Hot football in this match-up, which fluctuates from scalding hot to blistering cold and everywhere in between, hoping to encourage Vince turnovers. They failed to realize it would hurt their team as well. Hilarious and entertaining lesson learned.

VINCE WINS, 46-30

The Eruption bounce back from their first loss of the season last week and get back into the win column. They complete the season sweep of Matt, have already swept Vince, and will look to finish with a perfect division record when they face Samuel in Week 12.

ERIK WINS, 46-33

“Winning two of their last three” has quickly become “losing two of their last three” for the Ricky Rock Lobsters. The home squad looked to play spoiler and keep things interesting for Ricky fans with an upset over the division leaders, but instead, the BB Cannons handle them without breaking a sweat and pick up their seventh straight victory to stay at the top of the Pyschic.

BRENT WINS, 44-21

Cari cannot escape the losing streak this week, as they are soundly beaten by the visiting Jaws-of-Life and fall to 1-9 on the season. That’s 8 in a row now for the Bous, so don’t you dare say they’re not the best at something! Jerry picks up the clutch road win here to stay locked in with Brent atop the Psychic Division at 7-3 with four games left in the regular season.

JERRY WINS, 46-15

Brandon needed this one and they had to earn it. The Blue Tits pulled out all the stops on offense, and even ran a play with three QBs, the punter, and the kicker all on the field for a 4th & Short. The Braggadocios get the win to move into sole possession of first place in the division. And while Bette slips to last with the loss, the entire division is still up for grabs!

BRANDON WINS, 55-42

The LeScavengers drop their second OT game of the season, both in the last four weeks, after this tough road loss to Adam. The Bombs are only one game out of first after putting their 4-game losing streak on ice, but the Foreteller Division is looking hotly contested.

ADAM WINS, 33-26

The Wrecking Balls seem to play like a different team when they face the Zeros. They get the sweep in 2024, putting up 50+ points in both contests, and find themselves one game out of first. The Zeros are within striking distance too, despite their loss this week. Should be an interesting finish!

RACHEL WINS, 54-31

The Evil Entities rebound from their two straight L’s with two straight W’s to hold on to their narrow lead over the Augur Division. The Martians didn’t offer much resistance in this one and get blown out at home. Miranda will need a Christmas Miracle to find the postseason now.

ETHAN WINS, 46-6

The Androids algorithms were all optimized and they played a heck of a good game. But the one thing the algorithms didn’t account for was the total chaos of Labeorphiles football. The home team used unorthodox formations and plays that many experts would describe “dangerously reckless, lacking any regard for sound football strategy”, but they get it done in OT.

LACI WINS, 47-46

This was the match-up that could have broken open the Auspex Division, should the Tichorrhines claim victory. But the Cutthroats are the best offense in the division for a reason, and they proved too much for Travis. Now the Auspex is once again locked in a 3-way tie for first, with all three squads at an even 5-5 record. Seems familiar.

COREY WINS, 37-12

The game of the week that wasn’t the Game of the Week, the 7-2 Cannibals and the 6-3 Killcows battle in what many considered a Clairvoyant Conference Championship preview. It lived up to that billing as the two squads took this one down to the wire. The Killcows get the last second, 58 yard field goal to win this one as OT expired.

KEVIN WINS, 47-46

The Abactors are a-back to winning after a seven week sabbatical in Loserville. They join the Vapulaters in both ending their lengthy losing streaks and pointing and laughing at the Cari Bous. The Sausages fall to 5-5 on the year, but are still in a good spot for the playoffs if they can correct course.

AXELL WINS, 38-21

The Juggernauts are the next in line to dodge another quality performance from the Jellyfish in 2024. Jennifer is now 2-4 when putting up 30+ points this season, a trend that would be hilarious if it wasn’t so frustrating. Joel takes their second straight W and moves to 6-4, just one game out of first.

JOEL WINS, 45-32

The 4-5 DaVena Ballerinas visiting the 5-4 Brian Bongos is not exactly what many would consider a marquee match-up, but the two squads put on a show that is perfectly fitting for PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME! There were multiple lead changes, turnovers, homerun plays, ejections, showstopping stiff arms, one handed catches, and the police needed to escort Section 213, Row M from the stadium. It had everything anyone could ask for. Even the ending was exciting. The Bongos burned 1:54 off the clock to kick a last second field goal for the win, only for the Ballerinas to pull off a well timed grand jeté pas de chat and block the kick.

DaVENA WINS, 46-45