Abac-street’s Back! Alright!

The Minotaurs mino-tar and feather those horny little Sackbuts in the NPL public square. Samuel’s offense? Multiple players were caught double dipping at the pre-game midfield veggie tray. Gross!

MICHAEL WINS, 53-15

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Javelineers keep doing that “bend over backwards, waving arms in slow motion” thing to dodge these bullets, and here they go again. The Vapulaters made it real interesting, but the Javs did the thinkable and snagged the crucial W and hold onto the NPL Title Belt for another week!

JOSH WINS, 47-32

The Reremice hand the Erik Eruption their second loss of the year, both of which were courtesy of the High Powered (plus Berkenbile) Prophet Division. You’re welcome, everyone else in the league!

RYAN WINS, 36-13

The Baboons were bamboozled by the Micropolitans blitz scheme which relied heavily on blitzing players from the sidelines. The NPL still hasn’t gotten around to writing rules regarding substitutions, so this is technically legal.

MATT WINS, 18-6

The Blue Tits get a nice bounce back win here against the Rock Lobsters, and for the moment, have reason to dream big about the whimsical and fantastical realm that is the NPL Playoffs. Will they be a beautiful princess, a dashing prince, or one of those toads one licks for mind-bending hallucinations? Time will tell.

BETTE WINS, 38-14

They’re not in the same division anymore thanks to the Great Realignment and Spring Cleaning of 2020, but the Braggadocios do seem to cherish their meetings with their old division rivals. This is why.

BRANDON WINS, 44-24

The stinking carcass of the Cari Bous season is attracting the scavengers, and LeScoot was there to feast on some entrails and eyeballs. That’s 10 in a row now, the bad kind of 10 in a row, for the Bous, but a nice timely win for LeScoot!

LeSCOOT WINS, 45-6

It’s a tightly contested battle atop the Psychic Division and Jerry needs all the wins they can get to keep Brent at bay. So, naturally Adam drops a big ol’ bomb in that party’s punch bowl. But hey, that’s two in a row now for Adam, just in time for holiday shopping!

ADAM WINS, 27-15

Kelly has been quietly kickin’ ass in the murky depths of the Augur Division, having won three of their previous four heading into this match-up. They’re battling the perennial 1-2 punch of Ethan and Rachel to get into the postseason, and this big win helps big… time. Words. Whatever.

KELLY WINS, 27-5

The defending Seer Cup Champions are less on a “defend the trophy” tour and more of a “does anyone want to look at my trophy?” tour. They let the visiting Wrecking Balls swing away for the win, their third straight, while the ‘Droids craft their second four-game losing streak of the season. Skillz, bzby!

RACHEL WINS, 27-12

Three up for Ethan, three down for Travis. That’s how the streaks shake out after this blowout victory that was heavy on the in-stadium Christmas music waaaaay too early in the season. Way too early!

ETHAN WINS, 36-4

Every once in a while this season, the four-time Wild Card, two-time Division Champ Miranda Martians like to hop in their humble little spaceships and remind the people of Earth that they’ve still got the skills to hang. They get the job done in overtime, frustrating the Cutthroats, who lose ground in the Auspex Division title hunt.

MIRANDA WINS, 27-26

For the Kevin fans with heart issues, it’s probably a good thing they had a blowout win over the home team Sausages. Otherwise, that would have been three straight overtime games. That’s three W’s out of the last four for Kevin, though who is really going to challenge them in that division?

KEVIN WINS, 46-15

This marks the fourth straight game in which the Jellyfish top 30 points. They snag the narrow win over the Bongos here, which improves the Jennifer season record to 3-4 when they reach that 30 points milestone. Ouch!

JENNIFER WINS, 34-33

DaVena has been on fire the past three weeks, topping 40+ points in each of those contests, and winning five of their last six! They’ve started to make things interesting in the Sage Division, if they can keep up the pace. Joel were winners of four of their last five before getting doubled up here.

DaVENA WINS, 45-22

The schedule is pretty inflexible in the NPL these days, so sometimes you end up with a 2-8 team taking on a 7-3 team in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIME! That’s the match-up the NPL schedulers set up for you, because they know there’s nothing better than the underdog story. The Abactors snapped their seven game losing streak (gasp!) last week against Steven and were able to keep that momentum going, upsetting the Oracle Division leading Cannibals in overtime!

AXELL WINS, 35-34