The Evil Entities Stay Undefeated the Easy Way!

The Erik Eruption have been under criticism early this season for winning easy games. And in truth, they have had the easiest schedule of the season, right there with the other undefeated team the Ethan Evil Entities. They finally face stout competition and rose to the occasion! The efforts of Joshtin Stubbert weren’t enough in this high scoring affair, and the Eruption keep that zero in the loss column for at least one more week.

ERIK WINS, 44-32

The Micropolitans and Reremice offenses are mirrors of each other. In fact, there are three sets of twin brothers on the offensive lines that are facing each other in this match-up. So it goes without saying that the defense would decide this one. The advantage goes to Matt here.

MATT WINS, 18-4

The Baboons needed a rebound win in a bad way, having dropped three straight. But the Sackbuts did not want to suck butt at home, so when this one spilled to overtime, they put the foot on the gas and put it out of reach before time expired.

SAMUEL WINS, 28-17

The 3-1 Jaws-of-Life again turned to Jerry Unitass at QB, looking to make that #4 overall pick as marketable as possible to help the billionaire owner in this time of need. But, Unitass was ass, and the offense put up a goose egg. Their only points in this blowout was a recovered fumble TD by the defense. B.J. Tittle and the Blue Tits offense, on the other hand, looked stellar!

BETTE WINS, 47-6

The Braggadocios needed a big morale boost following the untimely death of their mascot, Brando the Braggart, who was flattened by the medical cart in the third quarter of last week’s game. Thankfully, the scheduling wizards were on their side, and Cari arrived to ease their troubled minds.

BRANDON WINS, 26-4

The LeScavengers put on a hell of a show on offense on the road, but the BB Cannons once again showed that if you eat your vegetables, pray to Jesus, get plenty of rest, and perform ritual sacrifice, your hard work will reward you.

BRENT WINS, 47-32

The Adam Bombs have a nice little win streak, thanks to the offensive ineptitude of their brother franchise, the Ricky Rock Lobsters. The Rock Lobsters struggled to get the offense, defense, and locker room AC going, and it shows.

ADAM WINS, 29-4

Every team seems to have one of those games where the visitors roll in to town thinking they’re going to have an easy week. Cork Cuzzins and the Cutthroats had the Zeros circled on their schedules as a week to experiment. But Keller Murray and the Zeros offense soared in their home airspace.

KELLY WINS, 53-12

The Tichorrhines offense may have found their groove, putting up solid performances in back to back weeks. But they ran into a Wrecking Balls offense that was pissed off following the curb stomping they received from the Evil Entities last week. They win by two scores at home!

RACHEL WINS, 38-23

NPL Title Belt Match!

Only one other team has faced as schedule as soft as the Evil Entities this season, and the Title Belt holders capitalize on another easy path to victory to retain their prize for at least another week. The Androids have undergone an entire system overhaul and needed the week to recompile and upgrade hardware. Ethan took full advantage!

ETHAN WINS, 27-0

The Labeorphiles bounce back from last week’s loss with a fine showing here against the visiting Martains. QB Gardner Laceshoes was trusted under center again this week and like an abusive boyfriend, showed that they can remind you momentarily why you trusted them to begin with.

LACI WINS, 28-12

The Juggernauts offense stalled repeatedly in Kevin territory in this battle, and they needed to turn to their legendary kicker, Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg for all of their scoring. He had an off game, going 12 for 14 in the losing effort, while Kev Kthulu on the other sideline got to play hero, diving in for a touchdown in the final minute to give the Killcows the W.

KEVIN WINS, 37-36

The Bongos have played dominant football the last two weeks. They absolutely crush the home team Abactors, who are still trying to find rhythm on offense with rookie Axellny Richardson under center. The Bongos broke Axellny’s sprit and his clavicle.

BRIAN WINS, 46-6

Another solid performance from the Jellyfish, another loss. When it rains it pours… or whatever the equivalent of underwater rain is. The Cannibals have emerged as one of the top offenses in the conference in 2024, and hold onto a narrow Oracle Division lead with the victory here.

CHRIS WINS, 37-23

The Steven Sausages return to action this week, taking an unscheduled bye week in Week 4. They do the absolute bare minimum and sneak away with a home win over the struggling Ballerinas. There were more accidental nacho cheese related blindings than points at the stadium this day. Lawsuits forthcoming.

STEVEN WINS, 9-0

The 3-1 Michael Minotaurs welcome the 1-3 Vince Vapulaters in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME, where Michael aimed to claim top spot in the Prophet Division and Vince aimed to correct course in the Mystic. Unfortunately for the numerous, and not at all suspicious gambling sites that sponsor the NPL and in no way influence the quality of the officiating and play, this game was a total blowout.

MICHAEL WINS, 28-0