The Killcows and BB Cannons Are Going Streaking!

The Androids pay a visit to the Minotaurs and hand them an overtime loss with a lengthy field goal of 78 yards. However, the Minotaurs are protesting the game, insisting that the ‘Droids transforming, “Autobots, roll out!” style, into a high powered kicking machine to achieve the mark should be against the rules. Either way…

ANDREW WINS, 43-40

The Javelineers have traveled a bumpy road this season. No matter the opponent, no matter their record or offensive performance, they always seem to go on a scoring frenzy when facing the Javelineers. Investigators finally found the reason: the Gen Z social media director has been broadcasting practices on LonelyFans.

BERKENBILE WINS, 56-41

Fans have been eagerly awaiting this match-up between the Reremice and the Cutthroats. Many have probably forgotten, since the two franchises don’t face each other often, but the all-time series was deadlocked in a 1-1 tie. Well, no longer, NPL fans! Rejoice! One team is now clearly better!

COREY WINS, 45-22

The hyper-competitive Auspex Division is moving along like rush hour traffic, and this match-up did little to ease the congestion. With the big win here at home, Travis, for now, moves into a tie in first place. But, that’s not breathing room. The last place team is still only one game back from first.

TRAVIS WINS, 35-28

With the entirely predictable fall of the division leader, the Zeros really needed to put some wins together to capitalize. The Vapulaters are dishing out free wins left and right, it seems, failing to show for the second time in the last four weeks. The Zeros move over the hump to secure a winning record at the midway point, and are now just two games out.

KELLY WINS, 18-0

The Wrecking Balls were all up in the Sackbuts in this meeting, but the home team finished strong. And if that sentence sounds like something you read in 7th grade health class, you should check your public school’s ranking online somewhere, because I’m pretty sure you got Taco Bell coupons instead of credits when completing a class. Anyway… good game here.

SAMUEL WINS, 45-32

NPL Title Belt Match!

The magic had to run out sometime. The Evil Entities had cruised to a 6-0 record, thanks in part to playing the softest schedule in the league. And unfortunately for Ethan, the Micropolitans are not soft at all – they’re like math tests for students from the schools called out in the previous game write-up: so hard. The Title Belt finally changes hands, and conferences, after this blowout.

MATT WINS, 29-4

The Erik Eruption keep the good times rolling with this home victory in overtime. They’ve slowly climbed the rankings in offensive production, and they’ve been besting teams in some high scoring affairs. This marks three straight weeks with at least 48 points scored. Crazy!

ERIK WINS, 53-52

The Blue Tits get served another frustrating loss, this their third loss in the last four weeks despite solid offensive production. But the Cannibals in 2024 are like an elevator when you’re in a big hurry: on another level. That’s three straight for the visitors!

CHRIS WINS, 37-22

The Foreteller Division is firmly in toss-up range still at the midway point, but the Braggadocios are the team currently holding the top spot. They get a clutch win here, their third straight, to pull away ever so slightly after this week. And just like The Commish being handed babies to hold, the Sausages have dropped four out of the last five.

BRANDON WINS, 41-36

The LeScavengers have been playing well, but like men in their 40’s who decide to finally write that novel, they just can’t figure out the ending. The Juggernauts, anchored by Joel Lynn Hurts, take the overtime victory here to add to LeFrustration.

JOEL WINS, 47-46

The Adam Bombs are starting to notice some troubling wear patterns in their tires here. After cruising to a 4-1 record to start the year, they get served their second straight L, this time by the visiting Bongos. Now there’s a rattling noise under the hood. (PSA: you’re overdue for an oil change.)

BRIAN WINS, 37-23

The Rock Lobsters really put on a show for the hometown fans in this one. Aside from scoring a metric shit ton of points (measure it, it’s accurate), the home team also hosted a halftime gladiatorial arena for devoted fans. Funeral services for those lost will be held on Thursday.

RICKY WINS, 55-12

The Jellyfish got tired of watching bad offenses win games while they struggled to get W’s with solid performances every week, so they came out here and flat out refused to score. Unfortunately, goose egg omelettes are not on the winning side of the menu when Jerry hosts brunch on Sunday.

JERRY WINS, 35-0

The Ballerinas were the unfortunate team to face Cari at their best. Well, their best performance since Week 3 anyway. Fortunately for DaVena, the Bous’ best is still manageable enough to overcome. They get the road win here to hand Cari their fifth straight loss.

DaVENA WINS, 28-12

The Killcows and the BB Cannons put their winning streaks on the line in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME! Kevin brings their five game winning streak to town for appraisal in this Winningstriques Roadshow, but the experts were more impressed with the vintage BB Cannons and their classic three game streak. The home town BB Cannons add another one to theirs with their red hot offense.

BRENT WINS, 44-39