L7 Losers: Who Win One Next? Cari, Vince, or Axell?

The Minotaurs do the one thing that the entire NPL has been waiting for all season: they greased up the footballs with cooking lard. The strategy didn’t really hurt or help either team, and they fell short of the NPL single game record for fumbles with only fifteen between the teams. But, boy was it fun to watch. And… what… else? Oh! And the Minotaurs were the first team to hand Erik an L.

MICHAEL WINS, 46-30

NPL Title Belt Match!

The NPL Title Belt had a comfortable home for seven straight weeks with the Ethan Evil Entities, and when Matt claimed the belt two weeks ago, then defended last week, it was reasonable to believe it would belong to the Micropolitans for at least a few weeks. The Javelineers had other plans.

JOSH WINS, 46-31

The visiting Samuel Sackbuts hit all the right notes! Despite a strong showing from the Reremice in this one, Samuel takes the easy win to become the only team in the Mystic Division to best their opponent this week. The loss marks three straight for Ryan, all while averaging 38+ points per game in that span. Tough luck!

SAMUEL WINS, 62-39

The Baboons are now 2-2 over the past four weeks, but have been playing lights out football in that span. They’ve averaged over 35 points in the past four week, and do so again when hosting the Vapulaters in this contest. Vince, on the other hand, has now dropped seven straight.

BERKENBILE WINS, 37-22

The Cari Bous join the Vapulaters and drop another one here to extend their losing streak to seven games. The Blue Tits continue to move in the right direction, taking their second straight W to keep them within one game of the division lead with only five weeks to go!

BETTE WINS, 36-6

The LeScavengers have been playing stellar football since Week 5, and continue that trend with a big win over the Jaws-of-Life on the road. Taking three out of their last four propels them into a tie atop the Foreteller. The J-o-L just didn’t have the teeth in this one and simply couldn’t cut it.

LeSCOOT WINS, 37-24

The BB Cannons lit up the scoreboard in the blowout road victory over the reeling Adam Bombs. The home team has dropped four straight, and watched their 4-1 start to the season evaporate before their very eyes. On the reverse side of that coin, Brent wins their league-best sixth straight and it’s a timely one too. The Jaws-of-Life loss locks the two franchises in a tie for the top spot in the Psychic.

BRENT WINS, 53-15

The Zeros and the Wrecking Balls both smelled blood in the water when watching game film of the Evil Entities, and both franchises put their foot on the gas. Kelly wins their third straight, and fourth out of their last five, to move one game back of the division leading Ethan. Travis, on the other hand, gets an unfortunate loss in a tight Auspex race, but every team in the Auspex lost this week, so no ground gained, no ground lost.

KELLY WINS, 55-21

The Wrecking Balls had their backs against the wall late in this one when the Cutthroats took a 30-24 lead with only six minutes remaining. But the news of the Zeros and Evil Entities wins reached their locker room and they collectively agreed, “Fuck that noise.” They poured it on in the final minutes and walk away with their fourth win in their last five contests.

RACHEL WINS, 45-30

The Labeorphiles really wanted this one. Not only do they love defeating Ethan at home, since the post-loss riots are so entertaining, but this week would have been a good week to move up in the standings. Welp… opportunity lost. Ethan improves to 7-2 with the win, but still they still have two squads hot on their heels.

ETHAN WINS, 56-12

The Androids missed an important one this week. In a tightly contested Auspex Division, the Androids did themselves no favors by failing to show up for the home team Martians, who at 1-7 on the season, were not exactly a huge hurdle to overcome. Instead, they hand over a free win and fall to two games back.

MIRANDA WINS, 36-0

The Bongos had the toughest path to victory of all the Oracle Division teams, facing the #1 offense in the NPL, but they rose to the challenge! The cracks may be starting to show for the Killcows, who drop two of their last three, while the Bongos get a clutch win to remain in the hunt in the Oracle at two games back.

BRIAN WINS, 62-61

The Abactors haven’t had a lot to celebrate this season and this blowout road loss marks their seventh straight L, joining the Cari Bous and Vince Vapulaters in the, “LOL, you kiddin’ me?” category. The Juggernauts play to perfection for the second time in the past four weeks, and have won five of their last seven, but they’ve still got some ground to make up in the Oracle.

JOEL WINS, 64-33

The home town Jellyfish have struggled as of late, dropping close games to good teams and letting bad teams play at their level. They hosted the Sausages in this one and Steven came well prepared. The visitors leveraged their film study and snagged four interceptions on jet sweep touch passes. They cruise to the win here.

STEVEN WINS, 54-32

No five game winning streak for the Cannibals, says the Ballerinas. The home team heroes withstand a brutal offensive attack of the Clairvoyant best, and a late score on a blocked punt, double lateral, fumble recovery return that had heads in the stands moving like tennis fans sitting at mid-court put this one out of reach. DaVena moves to two games back of Kevin with the well-timed win.

DaVENA WINS, 53-41

The Braggadocios host the Ricky Rock Lobsters in Priiiiiiime Tiiiiiiime and stun the world by not only toppling the 5-3, division leading home squad, but soundly crushing them. Ricky moved the ball through a combination of play action passes, a sturdy running game, and throwing stars, which are still somehow legal per the NPL rules. Hope seemed lost for the Rock Lobsters this season, but they now find themselves out of the cellar and just three games back of the division lead. Can they shock the Soothsayer Conference and make the playoffs in consecutive seasons?

RICKY WINS, 56-30