Remember… The Force Will Be With You. Always.

“Who is more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?”

The Baboons went for the 2-pt conversion to take a seven point lead over the BB Cannons with 1:39 left in the overtime period. The BB Cannons decided they’d follow the Baboons lead and unexpectedly went for their own 2-pt conversion after they scored with 0:18 left, rather than kick the tying extra point. They failed.

BERKENBILE WINS, 35-34

“Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.”

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Jaws-of-Life had an opportunity for a 65-yard field goal to win the game. But didn’t trust the conditions, despite no wind or rain. They opted for the Hail Mary instead and walk out of Michaelsburg with the L.

MICHAEL WINS, 37-36

“If we sacrifice our code, even for victory, we may lose that which is important—our honor.”

The Ryan Reremice refused to travel to Cari for this match-up, given the human rights violations in the Bous’ concession stands.

CARI WINS, 11-0

“In my experience, there is no such thing as luck.”

Some might think it was dumb luck that the safety tripped the moment that Joshtin Stubbert launched a no-look pass 41 yards downfield to avoid the sack on 4th & 14, hitting a wide open Joshandre Stubbkins for the go-ahead score.

JOSH WINS, 46-37

“Missions are not about winning and losing. They are about leaving good behind.”

The Braggadocios are coping with a tough loss on the road by justifying their poor play in the 4th quarter by wanting to give the Micropolitans fans some good cheer after the unfortunate bouncy castle accident that claimed the lives of 39 children the night before the game.

MATT WINS, 38-22

“The truth is often what we make of it; you heard what you wanted to hear, believed what you wanted to believe.”

The LeScavengers thought the Vince Vapulaters were known pushovers. But the Vapulaters embraced that underdog role and played to perfection here today for the big win!

VINCE WINS, 63-33

“You can’t win. But there are alternatives to fighting.”

The A-Bombs add to the list of those that are hoping to see the Coin Tossers once again relegated to the minor leagues or outright disbanded, making way for new blood in the NPL.

ADAM WINS, 46-23

“Do not return to the temple; that time has passed, and our future is uncertain. We will each be challenged—our trust, our faith, our friendships, but we must persevere, and in time, a new hope will emerge.”

The Rachel Wrecking Balls are used to being division front-runners at this stage of the season. But this marks their fourth consecutive loss to fall to 3-5 on the year. They look to the future for their new hope at QB.

BRIAN WINS, 37-21

“This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.”

The Juggernauts unleashed their aging, yet legendary kicker, Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg in a big way. JMJJ went a perfect 11-for-11 on field goals, reminding the older NPL fans of a simpler time when field goals were the only way to score.

JOEL WINS, 35-22

“Often we see things we don’t like, but these aspects are not set in stone. It is our decisions that shape our destinies.”

The Cannibals started slow in the first half, but look to control their own destiny in the second half of the season. They get a big win here.

CHRIS WINS, 53-39

“You want to go home and rethink your life.”

The Sausages and Zeros had a hell of a battle in regulation, locked up 42-42 going into the OT period. That’s when things fell apart in a big way for the Zeros. They are going to have to rethink their approach on defense if they want to get back in the win column.

STEVEN WINS, 64-47

“You’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”

The Jellyfish were the top franchise of the 2021 season, so naturally they believed themselves to be one of the new powerhouses of the NPL. They get bullied by the Cutthroats here for their third straight loss, resulting in the Jellyfish front office saying, “We may need a new perspective at head coach.” Uh oh!

COREY WINS, 35-23

“A great leap forward often requires taking two steps back.”

The Tichorrhines haven’t been at their best this season, but they were able to get a big win over the Ballerinas to hopefully correct course.

TRAVIS WINS, 35-21

“I felt a great disturbance in the Force. As if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”

The Abactors rebound from a loss last week, after the team had a group hallucination that if they were to lose to the Androids, the robot uprising would begin. Thankfully for them, the Androids once again failed to compile their code in time for kickoff.

AXELL WINS, 38-0

“It takes strength to resist the dark side, only the weak embrace it.”

The Labeorphiles refuse to adapt to a modern NPL offense and instead insist on running gimmick plays. They have found success with that in the past, and acknowledge that it is harder to be effective that way, but the alternative is ‘too easy’ according to sources close to the team.

KEVIN WINS, 26-0

“There is a secret to the warrior arts. One that has nothing to do with training. Nothing to do with fancy movements. It is the willingness to trade lives with your enemy. To never fight for anything you would not die for.”

The Samuel Sackbuts are the newest franchise in the NPL and had some lessons for the visiting Bette Blue Tits in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME! Despite the fancy pre-snap motions from the well-trained, disciplined offense, the Sackbuts simply came out willing to die for the win. They lost nine players today. RIP.

SAMUEL WINS, 44-31