Can the Adam Bombs cool down the red hot Javelineers and defend their Seer Cup for one more week? Will the Killcows bully their way into the Clairvoyant Conference championships with a .500 record? Can the Reremice defense shut down another Top 3 offense this post season? Can the Evil Entities slay another 10-win giant as they climb the beanstalk to the Seer Cup? It’s the NPL Playoffs – Divisional Round!
Army-Navy Surplus Store Stadium and Shooting Range
New Adams, LA
Saturday, 1:29pm kickoff
Weather: Sideways rain and wind-inverted umbrellas
“Bombs kicker Adam Anthony Adams-Addelman, better known as Quad-A, is lining up for a fifty three yard field goal attempt, which I must say is quite the bold decision given the Louisiana monsoon currently flooding the field. Career long is 61, but Quad-A was not kicking into a thirty miles-per-hour headwind for that one as he is here. Snap is good. Hold is good. Laces out. Kick is up… and the wind has it! The Javelineers, wisely, had wide receiver Jay Jonah Josheson waiting at the goal line and he catches this one at the two! He’s up the near sideline, cuts in, one man to beat…. He hurdles Quad-A! Triple-J over Quad-A and he’s going to go all the way! The woes continue for the reigning champs! The PAT will put the Javs up 21-0 here in the third quarter!”
JOSH WINS, 28-0
Labeorphiles Bottling Plant and Football Arena
Laci Groves, MO
Saturday, 5:33pm kickoff
Weather: Hot, thanks to a space heater giveaway promotion
“Kevmarius Kill-Cowvinforth III goes in motion and stops under center. He’ll take the snap and here comes the Killcow Plow! They get the yard they needed for the first down and then some! KCIII fell forward into the end zone, but was he down first? Officials discussing the Vegas betting now and their call is… touchdown! The extra point will put Kevin up by one but only fifteen seconds remain on the game clock for the Labeorphiles to answer! It does not look good, but thankfully, they’ve re-opened the beer lines here in Laci Groves to soften the blow!”
KEVIN WINS, 24-23
Bavarian Beagle Outfitters Microdome
Mattland, ME
Sunday, 1:27pm kickoff
Weather: Dome traps in the heat nicely
“Mattrick Matthomes in shotgun. He audibles. Is that an audible? It looks like… no, he’s signaling the sideline for a hot dog and pointing to the vendor in the second row behind the bench. Special teamer Matticus Minch has secured the hot dog with six seconds left on the play clock. Matthomes takes the snap, looking right, throwing left… He’s got Matty ‘Reading, Writing’ Mattmatecs, the running back, open in the end zone for six! And Matthomes is already at the sideline enjoying his snack! I mean, what other quarterback in the history of time and space can make a play like that? He’s truly one of a kind!”
MATT WINS, 36-21
BeaverTails Pastry Barn Field
Brianskatoon, Manitoba (CAN)
Sunday, 5:28pm kickoff
Weather: 24F (-13F with wind chill)
“Hand off goes to Bijan Brianson who kicks it outside, makes a man miss, and he fumbles! No flags! He fumbled it! It’s the eighth turnover between these two teams and it’s scooped up by Ethorest Bucknerd! He’s got blockers! No flags! He’s down the sideline, no flags yet, across the fifty, still no flags, and he’s going to score! No flags! That flag-less play will put the Evil Entities on top, 15-6, should they be able to thaw the kicking ball out for the extra point. Kick is up… and it’s good. The Evil Entities, the Davids taking on Goliaths after Goliaths this post-season, take a two score lead with just under five minutes to go in the ballgame!”
ETHAN WINS, 18-6
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.