The Ethan Evil Entities are your 2025 Seer Cup Champions!
NPL Playoffs – The Seer Cup
[ Slideshow of grainy black and white photos showing the history of the NPL, voice over by game broadcaster Tyke Marico ]
“The Seer Cup. 145 years ago, in a small fishing village on the coast of Norway, an elaborate dodge-ball game with teams of fifty battled in the public square. Over the years, the game would evolve, taking on the look and rules of modern day football, but with all the extravagant violence that was seen in that bloody square so long ago. The prize? A large silver goblet filled with fish and gravy. That same cup, reforged and reinforced countless times, remains the ultimate goal. 144 times the Seer Cup has switched hands and 144 hearts have been broken along the way.”
[ Video: drone camera approach over the coastal shores, the suburbs, the city, and finally into the stadium; shots of fans in the stands, parking lot tailgaters, the super-famous and disgustingly-wealthy in their luxury boxes; voice over by game broadcaster Tyke Marico ]
“And here we are: Stubbtown, Washington. Founded by the creators of the Seer Cup, who emigrated to America to help the natives with ‘the white problem’, Stubbtown is a small coastal city, rich in Norwegian heritage. It is home to the majestic Stubb Field. Remodeled and updated after last year’s unfortunate incident, Stubb Field now holds 144,000 fans of all ages, backgrounds, and of certain income levels. It’s here where our two remaining teams will once again engage in battle for that elusive trophy. The west end zone is painted in blue and red for the Matt Micropolitans, and the east end zone in the black and white of the Ethan Evil Entities.
Now let’s meet our teams. Introducing the Soothsayer Conference Champions, he’s a Teen Choice Awards, Primetime Emmy Awards, and People’s Choice awards nominee, and made a guest appearance in MC Hammer’s ‘2 Legit 2 Quit’ music video – your mother likely had a poster showing him without a shirt on – New Kids on the Block singer, songwriter, and actor… Donnie Wahlberg!”
[ Video montage of the Matt Micropolitans’s season highlights, voice over by Donnie Wahlberg:
“These boys got the right stuff. Step by step, week by week, the gray, red and blue rolled into town and made their presence known. Division title? Check. #1 seed? Check. NPL Title Belt? Check. It doesn’t matter who stands on the opposite sideline. They’ll be hangin’ tough. No team has won more games in a season… and there’s just one more to go.” ]
Tyke Marico: “And now to introduce the Clairvoyant Conference Champions, two-time Image Award winner for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series, and two-time Grammy Award winner, for Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group and Best Metal Performance, he’s the star of Law & Order: SVU… Ice T!”
[ Video montage of the Ethan Evil Entities’s season highlights, voice over by Ice T:
“They ain’t flashy. They ain’t pretty. They ain’t gonna light up the scoreboard. But they’ll light up you. You get in their way, they’ll run you over. You try to drag ’em down, they just drag you along. Sure, they lost half their games this season. But every team they played felt it for weeks. Some of them still wake up screamin’. Those guys on the other sidelines might have the accolades, but let me tell you something: when it comes to the Seer Cup… I bet on black!” ]
Tyke Marico: “There they are. The 13-1 Matt Micropolitans in their road white jerseys, white pants, and their gray helmet on the far sideline and the 7-7 Ethan Evil Entities in all black on the near sideline. Coming up next: the singing of ‘God Bless America’, ‘America the Beautiful’, ‘This Land is Your Land’, ‘Born in the U.S.A.’, ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’, ‘My Country Tis of Thee’, ‘Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue’, ‘God Bless the U.S.A’, and the National Anthem. But first, we have to keep the lights on and keep our broadcast license, so a quick break for recruitment ads from United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the United States Navy, the United States Army, the United States Marine Corps, and the United States Space Force. I guess the Air Force is doing just fine.”
Both Conference Championships come down to the final play in dramatic fashion!
NPL Playoffs – Conference Championships
In the Soothsayer Conference, you’ve got two red hot, offensive powerhouses in a battle of wits and will! A yin to the Soothsayer’s yang, the Clairvoyant Conference countered that marquee match-up by sending two barely-made-its to its conference championship! The Title Belt is on the line! The Conference Champion banners are on the line! But most importantly, a chance to kiss the Seer Cup is on the line! Who stays home? Who moves on?! It’s the NPL Playoffs – Conference Championships!
Ethan Evil Entities: The Giant Slayers
NPL Playoffs – Divisional Round
Can the Adam Bombs cool down the red hot Javelineers and defend their Seer Cup for one more week? Will the Killcows bully their way into the Clairvoyant Conference championships with a .500 record? Can the Reremice defense shut down another Top 3 offense this post season? Can the Evil Entities slay another 10-win giant as they climb the beanstalk to the Seer Cup? It’s the NPL Playoffs – Divisional Round!
End of the line for the 10-win Wrecking Balls!
NPL Playoffs – Wild Card Round
The 7-7 Evil Entities stun the Clairvoyant Conference #2 seed! The defending Seer Cup champions outlast the Eruption in overtime! The Javelineers hot streak officially enters scorching territory! The “division winners but still somehow underdogs” Labeorphiles handle the visiting Zeros! The Killcows get the last laugh on JMJJ and the Juggernauts! It’s the NPL Playoffs – Wild Card Round!
Hey! We finally know who won those hotly contested divisions!
NPL Week 14 – Results!
The Baboons edge out the Javelineers for the Prophet Division title! Brent throws down the gauntlet to Cari and delivers the knockout punch to claim the Psychic Division banner for the third year running! Samuel falls short of the Wild Card, the only team with a winning record that won’t be in the NPL postseason! Adam looks to repeat for the Seer Cup, representing the Foreteller Division as back-to-back champ! Brian gets a timely win to rise to the top of the Oracle Division! Rachel posts back to back 10-win seasons, claiming another Augur Division banner! Corey shocked as Laci will raise the Auspex Division banner in the end! Kevin squeaks out a Sage Division title despite a .500 record! Ethan gets a timely no-show from Steven and a rough showing from Corey to somehow sneak into the playoffs as a Wild Card! Surprise! The NPL added two more Wild Card teams and didn’t tell anyone in the league! It’s the NPL, Week 14 and season recap!