Bernard Beekannon Tests Positive for Quaaludes

by Bernard Bagelbite

September 29, 2016

BB Cannons star running back, Bernard Beekannon, has tested positive for the recreational night life drug that once dominated the club scene in the 1970’s. Beekannon faces suspension for the NPL’s drug policy which states, “If you have drugs, bring enough for everyone.”

“I mean… where the hell did he even get those things?,” said kicker Brentleburg McBrentsworth. “I’ve been looking for ages, but they’re pretty much impossible to find. They looked so cool in that DiCaprio movie.”

Beekannon faces his third drug related suspension since joining the NPL in 2013. The running back has been suspended for horse tranquilizers, helium, and will likely be suspended for this infraction with the “disco biscuits”.

“But seriously… Where do I get them?” added McBrentsworth.

The Commish has not commented on the matter.

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