Kev Kthulu to Miss At Least 3 Weeks

by Chester Curlybush

October 13, 2016

Following a horrendous play execution that saw Kevin Killcows QB Kev Kthulu throw the ball backwards out of his own endzone on the weirdest screen pass ever attempted, the Killcows sent in replacement QB Kevindarrio Krunch, a rookie out of Mountain Lake Forest State Technical Institute while Kthulu was examined on the Killcows sideline.

Kthulu was given an MRI, a symphysiotomy, a cystorrhaphy, and a lollipop for being a good boy for going through those procedures without crying. Kthulu was discovered to have a minor wrist sprain and concussion like symptoms. Training staff has recommended he sit at least three weeks since, “Given his rather devastating concussion, he thinks it’s week two of the preseason. So, we’re going to go with that story line and have him ready for ‘Week One’.”

Kthulu said, “I feel good. I can’t throw. I can’t jerk off. But I’ll be ready for week one.”

Head Coach K. Vin Haynesworth said, “Krunch should be able to manage the offense just fine. He ran a similar no-huddle, hook-and-lateral offense at MLFSTI. He’ll be fine.”

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