The NPL Awards – 2024

Ladies and gentlemen! It’s the NPL Awards!

[applause]

Time to look at the 2024 season with all its ups and downs, and dish out some neat little trinkets!

[applause, cheers]

This year we had a historic run in pick accuracy! Sixteen players – half of the league! – topped the previous single season record for correct picks! The previous record holder, Brandon, had to stand there like a night club doorman! “Come on in. Come on in. Right this way!”

[laughter]

Jennifer is here tonight!

[applause, cheers]

Jennifer had the toughest schedule in the NPL this season! No one needed more correct picks to find success! But… Jennifer didn’t find that success, so it was mostly just piling on!

[laughter]

Ethan, on the other hand, had the easiest schedule in the league! He took full advantage of that light schedule to… hang on, let me get my glasses on, this can’t be right. Ah, there we go. He took full advantage of that light schedule to… finish 3rd in his division? What the fuck?!

[laughter, cheers]

Josh had an unbelievable season this year. Unbelievable! Three new NPL records! You know who else had an unbelievable season? Ricky!

[laughter]

Ricky had a win percentage of 66%. That’s pretty good! Oh, wait… I’m being told that the 66% was actually Ricky’s share of Cari’s win total this season!

[laughter, tears, children being conceived in the audience and named after the host]

Alright, folks! Let’s get to the good stuff! Our first presenter is the all-time leader in shoestring catches, third quarter touchdowns, ignored concussions, and number of times entering the field with his helmet on backward! Please join me in welcoming three time All-NPL First Team wide receiver from the Evil Entities, Ethan Edelman!

[standing ovation]

The NPL Awards - 2024

The WILLIAM TELL Award Given to the Most Accurate Player
Josh (Javelineers) 76.4%

Josh sets a new NPL record with 107 correct picks in a season! All told, sixteen players eclipsed Brandon's 2012 record of 94 correct picks in a single season. Other entries into the century club were Rachel (Wrecking Balls, 100), Chris (Cannibals, 102), and Kevin (Killcows, 104)!

The HELEN KELLER Award Given to the least accurate player
Miranda (Martians) 45.7%

Weighed down by two DNS weeks, Miranda dethrones Cari by one pick!

The OUT ON A LIMB Award Given to the player with the most Lonesome Loser awards
Cari (Bous) 7

Cari establishes a new single season record! She bests last year's winners, Travis and Laci (who tied again!), by two!

The HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO Award Given to the player with the most Solo Soothsayer awards
Laci (Labeorphiles) 2

Back to back seasons for Laci claiming this award!

The MAD WORLD Award Given to the player with the most Monday Magician awards
Kevin (Killcows) & Michael (Minotaurs) 4

A new NPL record! Both Kevin and Michael are loyal submitters of '42' for Monday Madness! The average actual MM score was 47.9 this season!

The SOMEBODY'S CLOSER Award Given to the player with lowest Average Monday Madness Difference (AMMD)
DaVena (Ballerinas) 7.86

DaVena was on track to set an NPL record in this category until Week 13's Browns-vs-Broncos MM score (73) busted everyone's average. DaVena was off by seven or fewer points ten times this year!

The I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY GET PAID FOR THIS Award Given to the player with the most “Are You Smarter Than ESPN?” Awards
Josh (Javelineers) 8

Josh bested Brian (Bongos), Chris (Cannibals), Corey (Cutthroats), and Joel (Juggernauts), each with 7, to claim the award this season!

The IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE Award Given to the player with the highest accuracy with a losing record
Brian (Bongos) 70.1% accuracy, 6-8 record

Brian finished t-5th in the NPL for pick accuracy, with enough correct picks (99) to best Brandon's now broken record 12-year old record (94), yet finished third in the Oracle Division at 6-8!

The KARDASHIAN Award Success without any measurable skills - given to the player with the lowest accuracy and a winning record
Jerry (Jaws-of-Life) 64.3% accuracy, 9-5 record

Jerry finished t-19th in pick accuracy, yet secured a Wild Card with a 9-5 record!

The HONEY, I’M WORKING LATE AT THE OFFICE Award Given to the player with the most games decided by the Monday Madness tiebreaker
3-way Tie 6 MM tiebreakers

Kevin (Killcows), Brent (BB Cannons), and Corey (Cutthroats) all had six games come down to the MM tiebreaker!

The IT’S A NUMBERS GAME Award Given to the player that won the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
Erik (Eruption) 4 wins

Brent (BB Cannons) also snagged four MM wins, but Erik was undefeated when it came down to the tiebreaker!

The NOISY CRICKET Award More dangerous than they look. Given to the player that has lost the most Monday Madness tiebreakers.
Kelly (Zeros) 4 losses

Kelly (Zeros), Brian (Bongos), and Ricky (Rock Lobsters) each lost four Monday Madness tiebreakers, but Brian won one and Ricky would only reach .500 if all his MM tiebreaker losses were reversed. Kelly gets the nod here, because a better average MM difference (hers was 24.4!) would have put her among the league's best records this season!

The WILDERNESS GIRLS Award Given to the player that has collected the most badges.
Kevin (Killcows) 63 total badges

Kevin wins this one again! He had five more total badges than the next player (Chris) and was second in 'Skill Based Badges' with 38!

The GOLDEN ROCK LOBSTER Award Given to the most deserving player to lose to the worst team
Ricky (Rock Lobsters)

Ricky claims the Golden Rock Lobster again this season! Cari had three wins on the season. Two of them were Ricky!

The I LOVE GOOOOOLD Award Given to the player with the most Quality Week Medal points (4 for Platinum, 3 for Gold, 2 for Silver, 1 for Bronze)
Josh (Javelineers) 24 points

Josh sets a new NPL record! Josh had quality weeks in 12 of his 14 weeks this season, snagging gold twice and silver eight times!

The CRUISE CONTROL Award Given to the player that ended the season with the lowest Opponent Strength rating
Ethan (Evil Entities) 71 picks against

Ethan's opponents averaged 5.07 correct picks per game, giving him the easiest road to success in 2024!

The ROAD IS F***IN' HARD Award Given to the player that ended the season with the highest Opponent Strength rating
Jennifer (Jellyfish) 100 picks against

Jennifer's opponents averaged 7.14 correct picks per game, a Bronze Quality Week, giving her the toughest road to success in 2024! Samuel (99), Josh (99), Axell (98), and Vince (97) were right there in the pain wagon with her!

The FELL OFF A CLIFF Award Given to a top player of the first half that crumbled in the second half
Ethan (Evil Entities) 6-1 first half, 3-4 second half

Ethan opened 2024 with a six game winning streak, flaunting that NPL Title Belt around. And while not a total collapse with a 3-4 record in the second half, it was enough to drag him down to a third place finish in the Augur Division!

The REPORTS OF MY DEMISE HAVE BEEN GROSSLY EXAGGERATED Award Given to a struggling player of the first half of the season that rallied in the second half on the season
Ryan (Reremice) 3-4 first half, 5-2 second half

Ryan closed out the season with five straight victories and leapfrogged Michael in the final week of the season to snag second in the Prophet Division. His stellar pick accuracy in the second half (80.0%) propelled him into second place in the Soothsayer Conference in pick accuracy!

The LOSERS BRACKET Award Given to the player that really should have a much better record
Brian (Bongos) 6-8 record

Brian finished t-5th in the NPL in pick accuracy (70.7%), t-4th in the Clairvoyant Conference, and t-8th in Quality Week Points. Brian dropped four MM tiebreakers en route to a 6-8 record!

NPL Player of the Year Award Top Player of the 2024 Season
Josh (Javelineers)

Josh set three NPL records in 2024: Most Correct Picks in a Season (107), Highest Pick Accuracy (76.43%), and Most Quality Week Points (24). Josh claimed the AYST ESPN award, beating the experts 8 times! Josh's opponents averaged over 7 correct picks each week, meaning Josh overcame the t-2nd hardest schedule in the league to claim the second best record (11-3)! Josh had an incredible second half of the regular season, where he went undefeated (7-0) and rattled off nine straight weeks of 8 correct picks or better!