The JeStErS Hang on to the Title Belt in a HUGE Win!

The Javelineers force a franchise record 8 turnovers in this one, and pick apart the struggling Reremice. Those purple and gold bats will need some better echolocation to get back on track following this mess. JOSH WINS, 17-6

NPL Title Belt Match!

The JeStErS looked more like Killer Clowns after laying a vicious beat down on the Lychnobites. WR Jess Terrman sets a franchise record with 5 touchdown receptions. He was fined by the NPL for showing emotion after the 4th and 5th touchdowns. JASON WINS, 54-12

Vince closes the gap a little in the Prophet Division, taking down the Baboons with a shutout on the road. With multiple weeks of injuries finally settling down, the Baboons should be able to bounce back soon. VINCE WINS, 18-0

The Juggernauts are JuggerNOT having a great start to the year. They drop another one at home, getting spanked like a 5-year old that just discovered swearing. JENNIFER WINS, 35-4

This is one the Jaws-of-Life want to take back. With Cari visiting, Jerry decided it was a good time to rest the starters, the backups, and the beer vendors. Replacements were called in and it was sloppier than epileptics in a strobe light mud wrestling match. CARI WINS, 27-13

Adam doesn’t want anyone closing the gap on his current division lead, so he drops a few megatons on the Rock Lobsters in front of the Ricky crowd. LB Ricky Mean and RB Rhino Mean were preemptively ejected moments before the kickoff. ADAM WINS, 27-5

The LeScavengers capitalized on four gimmick plays that Brent failed to execute. The BB Cannons threw three pick-6’s and lost one fumble that LeScoot took back for a touchdown, on plays that can be best described the way you would the BB Cannons cheerleaders: “Barely legal.” LeSCOOT WINS, 26-0

Never underestimate a home crowd. When Kelly got up 3-0 on the first drive, then secured a safety on the second drive, the home crowd stormed the field and claimed sixteen Kelly hostages. From that point, it was all Miranda in an easy win. MIRANDA WINS, 35-5

The Killcows continue to win, taking down the visiting Cannibals in a fine display of offense. If they keep this shit up, the NPL might have to grant them a new logo, and no one wants that. KEVIN WINS, 37-23

DaVena wins a crucial one here, placing themselves just one game out of the lead in the Oracle Division with a big win at home over the Corey Cutthroats. Then again, that entire division is still up for grabs, so don’t let it go to your head, Ballerinas. DAVENA WINS, 35-13

The Sausages sizzle in a big win over the visiting Androids. The Androids remain one of the hotter teams in the league, despite the loss, but one has to wonder: if a cyclops closes its eye, is it blinking or winking? Off topic, sure. Just curious. STEVEN WINS, 38-12

Much like the a lazy dung beetle that’s not going to make its deadline, the Evil Entities really need to get their shit together. The defending champ does what they always do: overtime. This time it’s a loss. LACI WINS, 35-30

The Wrecking Balls feel their rightful place is atop the Augur Division. They enforce their will upon Travis in a big win at home, and satisfy their desire to look down on those weaker divisional rivals below. Evil laugh. Evil laugh. Fade to black. RACHEL WINS, 37-22

The Minotaurs did not have a lot of confidence coming into this match-up. It could have been their 0-4 record entering the week, or the fact that their chosen cancer to support (fingernail cancer) comes with the color called “Baby Food”. As you can imagine, the greenish-orangeish towels, wrist bands, athletic tape, and sleeves really clashed with the silver and blue. Hideous. MICHAEL WINS, 28-13