The JeStErS Hang on to the Title Belt in a HUGE Win!

by Chester Curlybush

October 12, 2017


NPL Week 5 Write Up

The JeStErS dominate Lauren in the NPL Title Game, Ryan drops back-to-back games following their 3-0 start, and the 0-4 Michael Minotaurs step up in Prime Time to snag their first win of the year over the 3-1 Braggadocios!

Ryan

vs

Josh

The Javelineers force a franchise record 8 turnovers in this one, and pick apart the struggling Reremice. Those purple and gold bats will need some better echolocation to get back on track following this mess. JOSH WINS, 17-6

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Ryan4626
Josh55117

Lauren

vs

Jason

NPL Title Belt Match!

The JeStErS looked more like Killer Clowns after laying a vicious beat down on the Lychnobites. WR Jess Terrman sets a franchise record with 5 touchdown receptions. He was fined by the NPL for showing emotion after the 4th and 5th touchdowns. JASON WINS, 54-12

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Lauren55012
Jason911554

Vince

vs

Berkenbile

Vince closes the gap a little in the Prophet Division, taking down the Baboons with a shutout on the road. With multiple weeks of injuries finally settling down, the Baboons should be able to bounce back soon. VINCE WINS, 18-0

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Vince551418
Berkenbile26370

Jennifer

vs

Joel

The Juggernauts are JuggerNOT having a great start to the year. They drop another one at home, getting spanked like a 5-year old that just discovered swearing. JENNIFER WINS, 35-4

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Jennifer73235
Joel4634

Cari

vs

Jerry

This is one the Jaws-of-Life want to take back. With Cari visiting, Jerry decided it was a good time to rest the starters, the backups, and the beer vendors. Replacements were called in and it was sloppier than epileptics in a strobe light mud wrestling match. CARI WINS, 27-13

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Cari641827
Jerry55713

Adam

vs

Ricky

Adam doesn’t want anyone closing the gap on his current division lead, so he drops a few megatons on the Rock Lobsters in front of the Ricky crowd. LB Ricky Mean and RB Rhino Mean were preemptively ejected moments before the kickoff. ADAM WINS, 27-5

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Adam64427
Ricky4615

LeScoot

vs

Brent

The LeScavengers capitalized on four gimmick plays that Brent failed to execute. The BB Cannons threw three pick-6’s and lost one fumble that LeScoot took back for a touchdown, on plays that can be best described the way you would the BB Cannons cheerleaders: “Barely legal.” LeSCOOT WINS, 26-0

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
LeScoot64226
Brent3710

Kelly

vs

Miranda

Never underestimate a home crowd. When Kelly got up 3-0 on the first drive, then secured a safety on the second drive, the home crowd stormed the field and claimed sixteen Kelly hostages. From that point, it was all Miranda in an easy win. MIRANDA WINS, 35-5

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Kelly46125
Miranda73135

Chris

vs

Kevin

The Killcows continue to win, taking down the visiting Cannibals in a fine display of offense. If they keep this shit up, the NPL might have to grant them a new logo, and no one wants that. KEVIN WINS, 37-23

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Chris641223
Kevin73537

Corey

vs

DaVena

DaVena wins a crucial one here, placing themselves just one game out of the lead in the Oracle Division with a big win at home over the Corey Cutthroats. Then again, that entire division is still up for grabs, so don’t let it go to your head, Ballerinas. DAVENA WINS, 35-13

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Corey551013
DaVena73535

Andrew

vs

Steven

The Sausages sizzle in a big win over the visiting Androids. The Androids remain one of the hotter teams in the league, despite the loss, but one has to wonder: if a cyclops closes its eye, is it blinking or winking? Off topic, sure. Just curious. STEVEN WINS, 38-12

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Andrew55612
Steven73338

Laci

vs

Ethan

Much like the a lazy dung beetle that’s not going to make its deadline, the Evil Entities really need to get their shit together. The defending champ does what they always do: overtime. This time it’s a loss. LACI WINS, 35-30

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Laci64635
Ethan641130

Travis

vs

Rachel

The Wrecking Balls feel their rightful place is atop the Augur Division. They enforce their will upon Travis in a big win at home, and satisfy their desire to look down on those weaker divisional rivals below. Evil laugh. Evil laugh. Fade to black. RACHEL WINS, 37-22

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Travis64222
Rachel73737

Brandon

vs

Michael

The Minotaurs did not have a lot of confidence coming into this match-up. It could have been their 0-4 record entering the week, or the fact that their chosen cancer to support (fingernail cancer) comes with the color called “Baby Food”. As you can imagine, the greenish-orangeish towels, wrist bands, athletic tape, and sleeves really clashed with the silver and blue. Hideous. MICHAEL WINS, 28-13

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Brandon552013
Michael64528

Player of the Week

Jason JeStErS

Jason JeStErS

Correct: 9, Incorrect: 1, MM off by: 15

Solo Soothsayer

None
Lonesome Loser

None
Monday Magician

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