The Vapulaters Must Be Butter, Because They’re On A Roll!

Rachel continues to pull away in the Augur Division, taking a victory in overtime from the surprising Andrew Androids. RACHEL WINS, 45-36

NPL Title Belt Match!

The power of the Title Belt cannot be stopped! Once you grab it, you’re almost certainly going on a winning streak. That’s three in a row for Vince, as they brush off the Javelineers and end their 4-game winning streak. VINCE WINS, 24-19

Leave it up to the JeStErS to cheer up a team that is one loss away from taking a bath with the team toaster. MICHAEL WINS, 37-12

The BB Cannons visit from the other division, as the Baboons play host. And just like any party to which the BB Cannons are invited, it was crowded, loud, smelled like vomit, and was generally unpleasant. BRENT WINS, 38-37

Just when it looked like Cari was down and out, the Bous step up big time and defuse the A-Bombs, keeping hope alive for the Cari Bous faithful. Three games back, five games left. We’re in Inspiring Disney Sports Movie Comeback territory, folks. CARI WINS, 39-36

LeScoot can’t seem to catch a break, lately. Two fine games in a row spoiled by teams that were only slightly better that day. The 2nd best offense in the division find themselves sitting in 5th place. Rough. JERRY WINS, 35-24

Rock Lobsters runningback Rhino Mean couldn’t quite make up for the defense losing LB Ricky Mean to Rocketeering charges. Not to be confused with racketeering, Rocketeering is diving facemask first, with arms to the side, into an opponent’s asshole with the intent to injure. BRANDON WINS, 41-26

Like a hyperactive dog that picked up a scent in the middle of the couch cushion, the Jellyfish destroyed the visiting Cannibals. The Jellyfish improve to 6-3, riding the hottest offense in the NPL. JENNIFER WINS, 55-5

The Cutthroats do not like the cellar. It’s damp. It’s lonely. It smells like Laci. They’ve decided to make a change. Step one: Win. COREY WINS, 37-21

Steven takes their turn on the Killcow Krusher, losing in dramatic fashion. One bad shovel pass spells doom for the Sausages and turns a 5-point win to a 3-point loss in the bonus period. KEVIN WINS, 41-38

DaVena corrects course a bit here, taking a big win over the Martians at home. It’s Miranda’s turn in the cellar, as the loss knocks the Martians to last, at 3-6. DAVENA WINS, 29-4

One of the more entertaining grudge matches in the NPL, the Labeorphiles play host to Travis. Laci walks out covered in blood, sweat, and piss, with the W in tow. LACI WINS, 37-14

Kelly storms back from the week of protest, bringing righteous fury down upon hosting Evil Entities. Ethan Ebow passed for a season high 94 yards in the losing effort. KELLY WINS, 38-23

Lauren and Ryan put on a fine show in Primetime, taking yet another Game of the Week to OT. This one was cut short, unfortunately, to broadcast the premier of “Survivor: Antiques Roadshow”, a part of CBS’s “I Can’t Believe People Watch This Shit” Mondays. RYAN WINS, 43-34