It’s finally here! It’s finally here! The NPL season kicks off!

by Lauren Ipsum

September 13, 2018


NPL Week 1 – Results!

The JeStErS try to get scary vs Jerry! Ricky tries to give the boot to LeScoot! Adam not sure where their defense went against Brent! And Ryan hopes to make primetime worthwhile against Berkenbile!

DaVena

vs

Corey

DaVena’s and Corey’s offenses both look really great!
But the game spills to overtime and they have to play late.
Corey drops loads of points on the Ballerinas, but wait!
While Corey scored thirty-seven, Davena scored thirty-eight!

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
DaVena552238
Corey552337

Josh

vs

Vince

The reigning champs start the year playing away.
The Vapulaters will spoil that if they have any say.
But the Vapulaters were late to their own Opening Day
And the Javelineers took advantage – that shit cray

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Josh642826
Vince43396

Lauren

vs

Michael

The Minotaurs old jerseys were faded and torn
The bottom of their cleats were smooth and worn
Their play was equally unpleasant until the closing horn
And the Minotaurs fans left the stadium to mourn

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Lauren731838
Michael552312

Jason

vs

Jerry

The JeStErS barely survived regulation, things were getting hairy
But they escaped certain defeat thanks to a Hail Mary
Coming in to week one, the Jaws-of-Life were quite very scary
But after the overtime period it was quite the contrary

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Jason55836
Jerry552123

Ricky

vs

LeScoot

The Ricky Rock Lobsters showed up in new suits
Visiting the LeScavengers in the town of LeScoot
The Rock Lobsters left with a victory that very few can dispute
Leaving many to think LeScoot needs a reboot

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Ricky732435
LeScoot46294

Adam

vs

Brent

The A-Bombs offense put on a fantastic show
But Brent was great too, both teams decided to forgo
the defensive game in favor of an offensive rodeo
But Adam faltered in OT as Brent struck the final blow

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Adam732248
Brent731555

Brandon

vs

Cari

Cari confounded Brandon with their offensive bag of tricks
And scored from a distance with their reliable kicks
They played great defense too, there was little to fix
They dismiss the Braggadocios, and say “Hit the bricks!”

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Brandon46186
Cari732138

Jennifer

vs

Joel

The new look Juggernauts started on quite the roll
Leaving the Jellyfish in a deep second half hole
But the Juggs didn’t stop, they were on cruise control
As Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg knocked in seven field goals

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Jennifer46305
Joel732338

Kevin

vs

Steven

The Sausages sure had trouble trying to score
And Kevin took advantage and tried scoring more
The home fans were rolling with laughter on the floor
As their team finished the game with just four.

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Kevin552220
Steven46354

Andrew

vs

Miranda

The menacing Androids struggled with the Miranda altitude
Their defense was bad and their offense was screwed
It appears the ‘droids programmers forgot to include
The “Mountain Air v1.0.3” patch that was recently issued

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Andrew46224
Miranda551519

Laci

vs

Chris

Don’t let the Labeorphiles victory dances that were quite uncouth
Distract you from the God’s honest truth
Bad officiating, like that, strips the Chris fans of their youth
There’s no way that’s a touchdown, stupid replay booth!

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Laci552219
Chris46276

Ethan

vs

Kelly

This was one of the better games to see on the tele
The Evil Entities dropped a shit ton of points on Kelly
That it took OT to add 35 points is kind of smelly
But Ethan fans will just say you’re peanut butter and jelly

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Ethan552250
Kelly553537

Rachel

vs

Travis

The Wrecking Balls and Travis nearly ended in a brawl
As Tichorrhines defense tried to dive for the football
During the kneel downs at the end, the game was over, that’s all
Someone get these sore losers some alcohol

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Rachel461235
Travis462918

Ryan

vs

Berkenbile

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Ryan Reremice had a difficult hill to climb
Going for the Title Belt and that in Prime Time
But the Baboons bamboozled them from the opening chime
To call this game “close” should be considered a crime.

CorrectIncorrectMM Off ByScore
Ryan46185
Berkenbile642127

Player of the Week

Brent BB Cannons

Brent BB Cannons

Correct: 7, Incorrect: 3, MM off by: 15

Solo Soothsayer

None
Lonesome Loser

Monday Magician

None
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