It’s finally here! It’s finally here! The NPL season kicks off!

DaVena’s and Corey’s offenses both look really great!
But the game spills to overtime and they have to play late.
Corey drops loads of points on the Ballerinas, but wait!
While Corey scored thirty-seven, Davena scored thirty-eight!

The reigning champs start the year playing away.
The Vapulaters will spoil that if they have any say.
But the Vapulaters were late to their own Opening Day
And the Javelineers took advantage – that shit cray

The Minotaurs old jerseys were faded and torn
The bottom of their cleats were smooth and worn
Their play was equally unpleasant until the closing horn
And the Minotaurs fans left the stadium to mourn

The JeStErS barely survived regulation, things were getting hairy
But they escaped certain defeat thanks to a Hail Mary
Coming in to week one, the Jaws-of-Life were quite very scary
But after the overtime period it was quite the contrary

The Ricky Rock Lobsters showed up in new suits
Visiting the LeScavengers in the town of LeScoot
The Rock Lobsters left with a victory that very few can dispute
Leaving many to think LeScoot needs a reboot

The A-Bombs offense put on a fantastic show
But Brent was great too, both teams decided to forgo
the defensive game in favor of an offensive rodeo
But Adam faltered in OT as Brent struck the final blow

Cari confounded Brandon with their offensive bag of tricks
And scored from a distance with their reliable kicks
They played great defense too, there was little to fix
They dismiss the Braggadocios, and say “Hit the bricks!”

The new look Juggernauts started on quite the roll
Leaving the Jellyfish in a deep second half hole
But the Juggs didn’t stop, they were on cruise control
As Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg knocked in seven field goals

The Sausages sure had trouble trying to score
And Kevin took advantage and tried scoring more
The home fans were rolling with laughter on the floor
As their team finished the game with just four.

The menacing Androids struggled with the Miranda altitude
Their defense was bad and their offense was screwed
It appears the ‘droids programmers forgot to include
The “Mountain Air v1.0.3” patch that was recently issued

Don’t let the Labeorphiles victory dances that were quite uncouth
Distract you from the God’s honest truth
Bad officiating, like that, strips the Chris fans of their youth
There’s no way that’s a touchdown, stupid replay booth!

This was one of the better games to see on the tele
The Evil Entities dropped a shit ton of points on Kelly
That it took OT to add 35 points is kind of smelly
But Ethan fans will just say you’re peanut butter and jelly

The Wrecking Balls and Travis nearly ended in a brawl
As Tichorrhines defense tried to dive for the football
During the kneel downs at the end, the game was over, that’s all
Someone get these sore losers some alcohol

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Ryan Reremice had a difficult hill to climb
Going for the Title Belt and that in Prime Time
But the Baboons bamboozled them from the opening chime
To call this game “close” should be considered a crime.