Away Teams Dominate the NPL in Week 2!

NPL Title Belt Match!

It’s still early, but the Baboons offense is looking to be somewhat effective, especially as the only 3 TE offense in the league. They pull out to a 21-0 lead in the first quarter before Ryan threatens to make this one entertaining. That didn’t last long. BERKENBILE WINS, 29-15

JDIII is still trying to get out of the shadow of JVJ, but games like this certainly won’t help. 221 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs for the scrambling QB in a win that has the fans going, “Meh.” JOSH WINS, 10-0

The Minotaurs went on the road and supplied a pretty hearty beatdown to their Prophet Division rivals in this one, amassing 442 yards of offense from just jet sweeps. MICHAEL WINS, 29-6

The Jaws-of-Life sure did clamp the Labeorphiles on the road in this one, scoring on their first four drives of the game. Laci didn’t have a suitable response, so they attempted to set a new NPL record for penalties with 19. Just missed it. JERRY WINS, 26-0

The LeScavengers continue the trend of away teams putting out chilled cans of Whoop Ass with a decisive victory over the Rock Lobsters. Ricky Mean, still clinging to his last remaining playing days, tallied three criminal charges in the loss. LeSCOOT WINS, 26-6

The BB Cannons start their annual climb to the top of the division by winning their first two, this one also a road victory by a considerable margin. The A-Bombs remain one of the last six teams in the league without a tally in the W column after two weeks. BRENT WINS, 20-0

The Braggadocios score 11 points at home to bring the Cari Bous crashing right back down to mediocrity, where they belong. How did they get eleven points? Four safeties and a field goal – the old fashioned way. BRANDON WINS, 11-0

Joel starts the year off hot as the number one ranked offense in the NPL. They pile it on here, but strangely only rely on Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg for just three field goals. The $26 million / year kicker may be a free agent soon if this offense continues to score. JOEL WINS, 29-0

Steven bounces back from an ugly loss, but cannot bounce back from their ugly faces (burn). They double up the Killcows here on the strength of their quick-kick special teams play. STEVEN WINS, 28-14

DaVena gets an easy win at home, with only 11 players carried off the field on stretchers, and just one player removed via several large black garbage bags. It’s a messy game, that’s why the players get a very small percentage of the big bucks. DAVENA WINS, 18-0

The Cannibals stomp the home JeStErS in front of their rabid fan base, who quickly turned on their team in support of Chris. The red and yellow jerseys in the stands gave way to navy blue by the end of the third quarter, and the name on the stadium was changed by the 2:00 minute warning. CHRIS WINS, 29-0

The Androids host the rematch in their own, more suitable altitude this week, and the difference showed. They operated more efficiently, ate up fewer compute cycles, and even installed Ad Block to remove those pesky on-field advertisements. ANDREW WINS, 23-2

Travis lets out all of their frustration against Rachel in The National Domestic Violence Hotline Beat Down of the Week^tm, stacking up a 21-0 lead at halftime, only to expand on that lead even further before the final whistle. TRAVIS WINS, 36-0

Ethan and Kelly go to Prime Time where Ethan Ebow somehow finds the endzone twice, countering his six turnovers. Unfortunately, the Zeros couldn’t capitalize on the mistakes and let this one get out of control. ETHAN WINS, 20-6