The Title Belt is on the Line in Prime Time!

Michael, ever unsure of the amount of points needed to win, decided to pile on 20 extra points in this affair. It was just enough. MICHAEL WINS, 53-33

The JeStErS were a surprisingly hot bunch in the first half of the season. They started the second half not so hot. The Baboons brought the heat here, smashing the JeStErS at home. BERKENBILE WINS, 54-23

The Reremice offense is basically the Harvey Dent of the NPL: you’re never quite sure if it can be trusted. They snagged the win in this one, despite the two faced nature of their hit and miss performances this season. RYAN WINS, 46-33

The Evil Entities protested the original score of the game, pleading with the NPL to reinstate the touchdown that was overturned. The NPL acquiesced. Didn’t matter. ANDREW WINS, 54-42

The BB Cannons hosted the Cari Bous and did what any great host would do: they took their coats and shit all over them (figuratively speaking, of course). BRENT WINS, 45-15

The LeScavengers are too busy to entertain such pedestrian offenses. They’ve got the Seer Cup in their sights and want real teams to practice on. Better luck next week, I guess. LeSCOOT WINS, 46-21

Who knew the Rock Lobsters had this kind of performance in them? Certainly not the Braggadocios, or the NPL, or the coaches and staff of Ricky, or their players, or the analysts, or their friends, or their moms, or… RICKY WINS, 56-22

Don’t look now, folks, but the Sausages are more relevant now than ever, and that includes the breakfast hour. They sizzle in this one, emerging with a victory in a game closer than the score indicates. Like, creepy siblings close. STEVEN WINS, 45-30

The Cannibals just can’t catch a break. They play pretty well here, but like a sexual assault allegation against a superstar white QB, it doesn’t really matter. The Juggernauts take this one. JOEL WINS, 45-30

The Jellyfish played well above expectations and nearly upset the undefeated Ballerinas, but they couldn’t quite go the distance. The overtime period settled this one. DAVENA WINS, 59-50

The Wrecking Balls were happy to play host to a visitor from the other conference in the Adam Bombs. They didn’t even gameplan, they just set out cheeses and crackers and put on smooth jazz. It was a nice evening, all things considered. RACHEL WINS, 46-31

Miranda has one goal: be better than Rachel. To do that, they have to beat up on teams like Travis. It went “okay”. MIRANDA WINS, 46-15

Kelly is so on fire, they can play relatively poorly and still get a win. Like a disappointing first born, Kelly got rewarded the W, despite being shit. KELLY WINS, 27-18

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Javelineers wish they can have this one back. Prime Time. Title Belt. Win streak. Home game. Like a wealthy white male, everything was lined up in their favor. Yet they still got the L. The Title Belt goes to a new conference, new division. Kevin’s turn to defend! In OT, KEVIN WINS, 61-54