The NPL of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth!

Four score and seven years ago, the Vapulaters actually showed up to play football. LAUREN WINS, 19-0

Our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that the Reremice curb-stomp the Minotaurs! RYAN WINS, 56-30

The Javelineers embarrass the visiting Jason. Now the JeStErS are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that team, or any team so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. JOSH WINS, 38-12

The Zeros and the Martians are met on a great battle-field of war, and despite the great showing from Kelly, Miranda was nearly perfect! MIRANDA WINS, 56-30.

Cari has come to dedicate a portion of their field, as a final resting place for the Adam Bombs, who dared challenge their rise to the top. CARI WINS, 44-31

The Rock Lobsters here gave their lives that the Jaws-of-Life might live. JERRY WINS, 36-23.

It is altogether fitting and proper that Brandon should de-feather the LeScavengers in their own house. BRANDON WINS, 35-15

But, in a larger sense, Kevin and Joel could not dedicate—they could not consecrate—they could not hallow—this ground by only playing four quarters. A bonus period it is! KEVIN WINS, 42-35

The brave Cutthroat men, living and dead, who struggled here still managed to fall short of the Jellyfish of Emily. JENNIFER WINS, 44-32

NPL Title Belt Match!

The gameplanning of the Cannibals was far above the Sausages’ poor power to adapt and get a stop on defense. The Title Belt stays in the Cannibals hands. CHRIS WINS, 45-30

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what the BB Cannons and Ballerinas did here – a thrilling one point game decided in overtime! DAVENA WINS, 46-45

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work of the home Tichorrhines, who could not find an answer for Ethan Ebow. ETHAN WINS, 53-31

It is for Andrew to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before them: showing up for the rest of the season. LACI WINS, 36-0

It is in PRIIIIIIIME TIME that the Wrecking Balls highly resolve that these ACLs shall not have been torn in vain—that this team, in the national spotlight and at the expense of the Berkenbile Baboons, shall prove their Triple RPO Offense can put up points. RACHEL WINS, 45-31