It’s An Offensive Explosion for Week 12 in the NPL!

The LeScavengers pull out the OT win here, snagging a victory from the Javelineers that are already raising the Division Champion banner, as is tradition. LeSCOOT WINS, 44-35

Berkenbile shows up big time and takes down one of the top teams in the league. This will keep the Baboons right in the mix of things, while Brandon is not really bothered by the loss. BERKENBILE WINS, 46-31

The Adam Bombs crush the host Minotaurs on the strength of a 213 yard rushing performance from WR Astro Adamson – that’s right, rushing. Don’t sleep on the jet sweep. ADAM WINS, 47-24

The Blue Tits did not do the Javelineers any favors, losing to the Reremice in OT. It was a crushing blow to Bette, who is vying for a Wild Card spot and needs all the W’s they can collect. RYAN WINS, 53-48

The JeStErS rebounded to have a decent game on offense. It’s too bad their entire defense was sidelined for a smorgasbord of positive COVID results (among other infectious diseases they carry). Jerry capitalized on the kicker lining up at CB to the tune of 389 yards passing to just that side of the field alone. JERRY WINS, 53-33

The BB Cannons are going punch for punch with the Jaws-of-Life, matching win for win in an effort to claim that Division Champ banner. They destroy the Vapulaters here. BRENT WINS, 46-13

The Lychnobites worked all week on a trick play that involved handcuffs and blindfolds. It worked well here, as that is also what all the Bous use in the bedroom. This also explains the rampant erections problem on the sideline. LAUREN WINS, 47-22

The Rock Lobsters and Micropolitans tried to set an NPL record for points in this game, tallying 121 points between them. That falls short of the infamous 1938 match-up between the Oscar Otters and the Mabel Mavericks, where Mabel crushed Oscar 138-19. MATT WINS, 65-56

NPL Title Belt Match!

DaVena probably didn’t need any help from Kelly on this one, turning in quite the performance offensively to snag the NPL Title Belt. But, that could also be because Kelly hired players on TaskRodent, since they didn’t feel like traveling and wanted to watch the Cari vs Lauren game on TV. DAVENA WINS, 44-0

The Abactors are all business in the second half. Ethan is all about shutting down businesses. They’re the COVID of the NPL. And sure enough, they shutdown the Abactors on the road. ETHAN WINS, 47-32

The Martians are trying to win a division and the Killcows are trying to set the NPL record for victories. Who will give? It’s Kevin. Though solid, the Killcows just could not handle the triple-Statue-of-Liberty offense of the Martians. MIRANDA WINS, 53-40

The Androids have been on fire as of late, and not just their practice facility that went up in flames following a poorly timed and executed indoor fireworks display. The Bongos become their most recent victims – but to be clear, they did not die in a fire; they just lost a game. ANDREW WINS, 44-35

The Cutthroats toppled the Cannibals in a high scoring affair. Chris would like this kind of offensive performance year round, but it’s the holiday season so a lot of their key players like to take time off to be with their side pieces. COREY WINS, 54-39

Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg knocked in all 12 kicks he attempted, including the game winner in overtime from 67 yards out. The performance has earned him his 112th “NPL Kicker of the Week” award (it’s really just a piece of paper and a gift card to Old Spaghetti Factory). JOEL WINS, 36-35

The Tichorrhines haven’t been able to figure it out this year, but the season is still young. Wait, it’s week twelve? Fuck. Travis is fuuuuuuuucked. Steven dominates in this one, like a 9 year old in a lobby of 30-somethings in Forkknife. STEVEN WINS, 44-12

Jennifer is that team that puts up a ridiculous amount of points and yards and just can’t get the W’s. This time, they did all three. They slap around the Wrecking Balls in PRIIIIIIME TIIIIIIME to keep them in the hunt for an NPL Wild Card. JENNIFER WINS, 55-31