The Wise Speak Only of What They Know

“I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.”

The Baboons defense completely shut down the passing game of the Cari Bous, causing them to instead rely on their unproven 3rd string rookie runningback, Carlos Carrio, who climbed the depth chart due to injuries.

BERKENBILE WINS, 47-12

“I have it! Of course, of course! Absurdly simple, like most riddles when you see the answer.”

It took the duration of regulation, but the Michael Minotaurs finally figured out the Rock Lobsters offense and were able to shut them down in OT.

MICHAEL WINS, 33-20

“But the only measure that he knows is desire, desire for power; and so he judges all hearts. Into his heart the thought will not enter that any will refuse it.”

After the winning the coin toss, the Reremice decided to defer. The BB Cannons, obsessed with commanding their own destiny, were baffled by the choice. They were so perplexed, you could tell there was something off about their game.

RYAN WINS, 38-24

NPL Title Belt Match!

“Only one hand at a time can wield the One, and you know that well, so do not trouble to say we!”

Despite the Javelineer’s best efforts to hold the Title Belt, the Jaws-of-Life were definitely not keen on the Javelineer’s proposal to share the belt instead of fighting over it.

JERRY WINS, 45-34

“May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks.”

The Bette Blue Tits didn’t have much of a challenge in this game, but they were very grateful that the Vapulaters were willing to give them a little practice before they face real challenges in the playoffs.

BETTE WINS, 45-6

“Go back to the abyss! Fall into nothingness that awaits you and your master!”

The Braggadocios are clearly not big fans of the Coin Tossers and can’t wait for a new franchise to take their place in the NPL once again.

BRANDON WINS, 27-6

“There is indeed a wide waste of time between the River and the Mountain, between the loss and the finding. But the gap in the knowledge of the Wise has been filled at last.”

The Micropolitans were pulling away from LeScoot before the LeScavengers offense finally figured out what it was the offensive coordinator was trying do do with their scheme.

LeSCOOT WINS, 44-33

“We must walk open-eyed into that trap, with courage, but small hope for ourselves. For, my lords, it may well provide that we ourselves shall perish utterly in a black battle far from the living lands.”

RB Adam Ademma needed to encourage his offensive line and fullback, reminding them that the playaction dive over the goal line was to absorb the blitz so the TE would be open over the middle. It worked. Twice.

ADAM WINS, 37-23

“Your time will come. You will face the same Evil, and you will defeat it.”

The Evil Entities players had words of encouragement for the struggling Chris Cannibals franchise, telling them to keep their chins up and letting them know, “You’ll get us next time.”

ETHAN WINS, 27-12

“It may be your task to find the Cracks of Doom; but that quest may be for others: I do not know. At any rate you are not ready for that long road yet.”

The Zeros coaches took the bulk of the blame for throwing the unproven, undrafted practice squad call-up, RB Kellen Lee, into the game before he had a chance to learn the offense. It did not go well.

STEVEN WINS, 35-6

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Brian and Miranda wanted this game to keep going and going, but Miranda’s offense failed to keep pace with the Bongos in overtime.

BRIAN WINS, 41-30

“There never was much hope. Just a fool’s hope, as I have been told.”

The Jellyfish knew it was a longshot starting eight rookies on offense after giving veterans an optional day off for the week – they all chose the NPL’s inaugural Wednesday Night Football game.

ANDREW WINS, 35-6

“Let folly be our cloak, a veil before the eyes of the Enemy! For he is very wise, and weighs all things to a nicety in the scales of his malice.”

After falling behind 15-0 to start the third quarter, the Labeorphiles could gain no ground on the Ballerinas. Laci chose to ditch a traditional offensive scheme in favor of trick-plays, and it turned out to be the right call.

LACI WINS, 26-15

“I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.”

The Cutthroats showed up, stretched, warmed-up, did pregame interviews, the whole nine yards. Unfortunately, Axell may have forgotten to mark this game on their calendars as they were no shows.

COREY WINS, 28-0

“It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.”

The Travis Tichorrhines enter the land of panic after dropping to 0-7 on the season.

KEVIN WINS, 26-12

“Then darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. Naked I was sent back – for a brief time, until my task is done.”

Legendary kicker, Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg, returns to the Juggernauts on PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME just in time to rejoin the roster after they’d already started at 5-1 on the year. Some would say Jowell-Jollsberg was simply being opportunistic and is chasing a ring, but he does kind of have a history of fucking off for a month or two here and there. It’s why JMJJ is 11th in career games played despite being 2nd in seasons played. At any rate, the kicker split the uprights 13 times on 15 attempts in the blowout victory.

JOEL WINS, 46-23