Who Goes Home? Who Goes to the ‘Ship?

Javelineer Field and Home Improvement Center – Joshville, WA
34 degrees, Calm

It’s another cold day in Joshville, Washington. Unlike the Snow Bowl last week when hosting the LeScoot LeScavengers, the Javelineer fans were treated to blue skies and temperatures just above freezing. Josh Von Joshershire was once again on hand to watch JDIII take snaps under center, as the Javs welcomed their long time conference rival, the Adam A-Bombs.

The A-Bombs looked a bit stiff to start the game, having spent last week playing a bonus period against the Ryan Reremice. Adam Ademma fumbled his first carry of the game and Aiden Adderall completed just 5 passes on 16 attempts in the first half. But it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies on the Javs sideline either. JDIII missed the entire 2nd quarter after his own lineman rolled up on his ankle following a 47 yard completion to RB Josh Josherman. Backup QB Joe Schwa, who hasn’t started a game in his 7 year career, took snaps for the Javs in JDIII’s absence and the offense struggled. At halftime, the Javs clinged to a 6-3 lead.

The Javs sent out a hobbling JDIII in the 3rd quarter, ankle heavily taped, who proceeded to take the team the length of the field on the opening drive, which ended on a Josherman 2-yard touchdown run. Josh failed to convert on the 2-pt conversion attempt. Two drives later, the Javs added a field goal to take a 15-3 lead as the 3rd quarter came to a close. But it wasn’t over for the A-Bombs just yet.

Aiden Adderall completed a 59 yard bomb to WR Aldongo Adamemsa, then Adam Ademma finally found daylight on draw play. Like the smelly kid on the bus, no one got near Ademma as he jogged 17 yards to the endzone. Down by five, the A-Bombs got a huge break when Javelineer WR Jay “Hands” McJoshster fumbled the ensuing kickoff. The ball was batted and booted, and ultimately bounced back into the Javs’ endzone before McJoshster was able to dive on it to prevent an A-Bombs touchdown. But it was a safety and two points for the visitors. The next A-bombs drive ended in a field goal that tied it up with just 5:31 left on the clock. Then, it was Punt City as both offenses struggled to get anything going in the final minutes.

From there, it spilled into overtime. And we wish we could say it was close, but the A-Bombs were perhaps a bit over confident in their scoring potential. Playing extremely conservatively, they added just two field goals in the overtime period, while JDIII and the Javs found the endzone twice, running an uptempo no-huddle offense. In overtime, JOSH WINS, 32-21

Bangerz Field at the Zyprexa Dome – Las Raches, NV
61 degrees, Indoor

The two top teams in the Clairvoyant Conference collide when Kevin comes to town to face the high octane Wrecking Balls offense. The Killcows signed 14 year veteran LB K’von Kevelsbee from free agency to help their struggling pass rush, and the veteran did exactly that. Kevelsbee was able to get to QB Cyrus Rawkells for four first half sacks to go along with three batted passes and six hurries. Rawkells and the Wrecking Balls offense was thrown way off their game and Kevin looked in position to pull the upset on the road.

Fortunately for the Wrecking Balls, the quiet first half didn’t last the duration of the game. Down 7-3 at the break, Rachel was able to make halftime adjustments that countered the effectiveness of the surprising play of Kevelsbee. Curls, crossing routes, and screen passes helped Rawkells dish out 217 yards in the second half, bringing his game total to 309 by the end of regulation. QB Kev Kthulu, however, was not nearly as effective. While his efficiency was fine in the opening quarters, Kthulu went off the rails in the second half, completing just 11 passes on his final 28 attempts.

HB Kevalouicious Kevinsen was forced to take on a bigger role in the offense, but the Wrecking Balls rush defense was able to hold the Pro Bowl HB to just 2.9 yards per carry in the closing periods. With Kthulu and Kevinsen wrangled, the Wrecking Balls went to draining the clock on offense and playing conservative defense in the final 8 minutes. Though it wasn’t pretty, RACHEL WINS, 26-14