The Augur Division Are All Playing for Second!

NPL Title Belt Match!

Can Ryan claim a Title Belt finally? No. Not at all. He falls to 0-3 this season in Title Belt games. If you’re keeping track at home, and I know you are, that’s all of Ryan’s losses coming from Title Belt challenges. Challenge failed again! JOSH WINS, 28-13

The Baboons claim a moderately sized victory at the hands of the home team Lychnobites, pounding the rock in the league’s only Quintuple Option offense. BERKENBILE WINS, 20-0

The JeStErS continue to roll, claiming the easy victory over Vince, who just claimed their first victory on the year to end a three game skid. Well, back to the skid. JASON WINS, 18-0

The Martians showered points on the ‘Bous, while the Miranda crowd showered boos on the ‘Bous. We’re not entirely sure why, but really, who likes Cari? MIRANDA WINS, 29-15

Adam punishes the Rock Lobsters in a renewal of the rivalry that drives NPL viewers crazy. No one wants to watch it, no one cares, but NSPN forces it down our throats. ADAM WINS, 47-15

The LeScavengers put a hurtin’ on the Braggadocios, tallying 442 yards of total offense on the road. They also stole all the towels from the visitor’s locker room. LeSCOOT WINS, 37-12

Jerry becomes the most recent visitor of the BB Cannon death spiral, handing them their third loss in as many games. Watch out below! JERRY WINS, 36-12

The Jellyfish get a big win on the road here, creating a log jam at 3rd place in the Oracle Division, and everyone knows that’s the spot you play for. JENNIFER WINS, 45-21

The Juggernauts are jugger-NOT the first team to take down the Ballerinas. DaVena improves to 5-0 and put a nice fat target on their backs. DAVENA WINS, 17-6

This matchup lived up to the billing, setting NPL records in arrests, on field vomit, and abandoned babies at the stadium’s day care. TRAVIS WINS, 10-0

Michael hands Corey their fourth loss of the season, putting the Cutthroats in the same “Hey, we ended our losing stre–ah, fuck!” boat as Vince. MICHAEL WINS, 20-6

Rachel is better than Ethan, everyone knows that. They have more wins, a better offense, keg taps at each seat in the stadium, and they look better in tight pants. That goes a long way. RACHEL WINS, 17-5

Rough day for the Androids. Bus didn’t start, then when they finally got it moving, the bus didn’t stop, and when it finally did stop, 19 people were dead. Sounds like a rebuild year. KELLY WINS, 8-0

It’s the Game of the Week, which means that you have to watch it, even though it’s Steven playing. Ick. Chris takes the loss here, but really, we all lost because it was the only game on. STEVEN WINS, 26-12