Can Anyone Stop the Ballerinas?

The JeStErS get the last laugh here, hosting the visiting Lychnobites, and I hope that’s the last time I have to make a “laugh” joke with the JeStErS, but I’ll probably go back that at least four more times before the season is out. JASON WINS, 36-6

NPL Title Belt Match!

It’s the Javelineers’ time to be the hot hand with the Title Belt. They win their third straight title defense after snagging the belt from the Baboons in Week 3. The Minotaurs fall to 2-4 with the loss. JOSH WINS, 28-6

The Vapulaters provide a hearty smackdown to the Reremice, settling both teams at 2-4 just before the midseason break. The Vapulaters took advantage of a weak Reremice defense in the win, focusing most of their plays on the geriatric SS, Ryne Ryanberg, who is under doctor’s orders to carry oxygen. VINCE WINS, 20-6

Like a neck-snapping secret agent, the Berkenbile Baboons are turning heads. They shut out the Juggernauts in this one to move to 5-1 on the season, locking into a 3-way tie for first place in the Prophet Division. BERKENBILE WINS, 20-0

From first to worst, the spice mixture that is the Evil Entities has settled to the bottom of the proverbial Bloody Mary. Ethan Ebow finds himself questioning his staunch faith, but mostly because his $33,000 Mega Millions ticket purchase was a bust. TRAVIS WINS, 20-5

The Braggadocios do a do-si-do in the run game, dancing around the regularly formidable J-o-L defense. The standings tiebreaker goes to the visitors on this one, moving the Braggadocios up in the rankings before the break. BRANDON WINS, 26-5

Despite their 3-3 record, the Brent BB Cannons are still just as deadly on offense as they have ever been. They’re still also in possession of the deadliest stadium, having already claimed 31 lives this season, due to their stubborn refusal to have safety railings on the upper balconies. BRENT WINS, 47-23

DaVena survives another one, winning a close one over the top offense in the Oracle Division. At 6-0 on the year, the Ballerinas are the last remaining undefeated team in the NPL. Our records indicate that no team has ever gone 6-0 to start the year, except for a bunch, so this is somewhat historic, kinda. DAVENA WINS, 45-36

Corey dominates the Killcows here, blanking the stout Kevin offense in what was expected to be a competitive game. The Cutthroats certainly did not live up to those expectations and collect the big win. COREY WINS, 37-0

The Jellyfish win an important one here, keeping themselves near the top of the division just before the break. The victory moves them to 3-3, tying the very team they defeated, the Steven Sausages. Both teams have some ground to make up on DaVena, however. JENNIFER WINS, 27-13

The Kelly Zeros are the surprise team from the Augur Division. Usually embracing their position as a cellar dweller at this point in the year, they instead parleyed their numerous high first round picks into a formidable team. They scorch the out-of-conference visitors in this one. KELLY WINS, 44-21

The Androids came to play and nearly stunned the home team Labeorphiles. Instead, two late scores by Laci was enough to seal the deal in front of the home crowd, in the best performance of the season for Laci. LACI WINS, 36-23

Something had to give in this one, as the Miranda Martians hosted the Rachel Wrecking Balls. Both teams came in at 3-2 on the season, looking to take that leap forward into upper tier of the division. Unfortunately for Rachel, the Martians played the better overtime football to snag the win. MIRANDA WINS, 37-30

The Adam Bombs considered this road game a must-win, entering at 2-3. Had they lost, rumors were swirling that aging RB Adam Ademma would be dealt before the Week 9 trade deadline, despite his averaging 5.2 yards per carry. Luckily for Adam fans, that was avoided. ADAM WINS, 29-14