Everyone Is Either 1st, 2nd, or 7th In Their Division!

The Miranda Martians abduct a victory, thanks in part to their fantastic defensive strategy of aiming high powered laser pointers into the eyes of the offense. MIRANDA WINS, 27-12

After falling behind 12-0, the Baboons stomp out the Lychnobites like a flaming bag of poo left on their door step: with equal parts panic and anger. BERKENBILE WINS, 44-12

The Javelineers rebound after a tough loss, taking a decisive victory here over the visiting Vapulaters. JOSH WINS, 36-15

The new logo and uniform debut for the Minotaurs did not go as planned, as the game spilled into overtime. It was won there by Jerry with a 48 yard field goal as the OT period came to a close. JERRY WINS, 31-28

The Braggadocios take down the visiting Rock Lobsters, after many practices were dedicated to stopping Rhino Mean, the highest paid RB in the NPL. BRANDON WINS, 35-21

The Adam Bombs did not want a repeat of week one’s offensive performance. They pile on 347 yards passing in regulation before sealing the victory in overtime. ADAM WINS, 31-26

Cari used up all of their offense in the Cari-Jerry Rivalry Renewal. The LeScavengers took advantage with an inspired game plan that focused on Three Stooges like distractions. LeSCOOT WINS, 28-14

NPL Title Belt Match!

Reality comes crashing down on the Sausages, as their win streak comes to a grinding halt and they are forced to hand off the Title Belt to division rival Corey. The Sausages Seer Cup celebration game is spoiled by just a horrendous offensive showing. COREY WINS, 26-0

The Ballerinas manage just two field goals and zero trips to the red zone while playing host to the Killcows, whose defense used cartwheel blitzes to great success in this one. KEVIN WINS, 19-6

The Juggernauts can’t keep up with the high powered Cannibals offense, who manage a league-best 4 touchdowns of over 50 yards in the decisive home victory. CHRIS WINS, 35-15

The Jellyfish of Emily have a solid start, going up 16-0 before halftime, but they were blanked 16-0 in the second half by the visiting Androids. In OT, it was all Androids. ANDREW WINS, 27-16

The Labeorphiles double up the Zeros, scoring all 28 points in the 4th quarter to stun the home crowd, knocking the Zeros to 0-2 to start the year. Just where they want to be. LACI WINS, 28-14

The highest scoring game of the week saw the Evil Entities pile on 22 points in the overtime period, just outpacing Rachel’s 19 point effort. Neither team was willing to lose. In fact, the Wrecking Balls are still awaiting a kickoff even though the stadium is otherwise empty. ETHAN WINS, 55-52

The JeStErS still feel the pain of losing 14 players to injury, filling out their roster with local high school players. The memorial service for Jasontown High School’s athletes is scheduled for Saturday at 8 am. This one spills into overtime where the Reremice collect the win and move to 2-0 on the year which leaves no one in the division in a panic as they are the streakiest team in the NPL. RYAN WINS, 48-33