The JeStErS Never Fail to Entertain the Court!

The Vapulaters get their first win of the season and drag the Minotaurs down into their cellar. Michael has now dropped three straight since sporting their new look. VINCE WINS, 9-0

At 2-2 each, the Javelineers only losses happen to be Lauren’s only wins. The Lychnobites complete the sweep on the Javs, and knock JDIII out for 4-6 weeks with a severe hangnail injury in the 3rd quarter. LAUREN WINS, 29-12

The Baboons are slowly building their reputation as a top offense in the NPL. Bernie ReDass, the QB out of East Southern Christian Battle Academy of the Arts, continues his fine rookie season, collecting his 3rd win and only his fourth concussion. BERKENBILE WINS, 37-15

The Wrecking Balls have completely shut down the Labeorphiles in their two meetings this season, with Rachel outscoring Laci 58-4 on the year in their only wins on the season. Unfortunately for Rachel, they have to play everyone else now. RACHEL WINS, 20-0

The ‘Bous own the Jaws of Life in the final 2019 renewal of the Battle of the ‘I Can’t Decide If We Want To Be Good At This’ teams. Jerry played well in their first loss, but in this one, like a hangman that’s out of rope, they could not find a way to execute. CARI WINS, 20-4

The Adam Bombs get sweet, sweet revenge and obliterate the LeScavengers on the road, winning their third straight contest and claiming the top spot in the standings of the Psychic Division. ADAM WINS, 44-4

The Rock Lobsters weren’t fortunate enough to get an absent-minded BB Cannons team this time. They actually showed up. And they snagged a nice pick-six in the final minute to put this one out of reach. BRENT WINS, 18-6

Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg, missing in Turkmenistan, was an obvious scratch. And the Juggernauts offense was obviously far worse without his physics-defying range. The Jennifer Jellyfish of Emily grab their second victory in a row. JENNIFER WINS, 18-5

The Killcows count themselves among those that were fortunate enough to face a team that sucked slightly more than they did this week. This one was ugly: 7 fumbles, 6 interceptions, 3 blocked kicks, and an uncharacteristically low number of ejections (2). KEVIN WINS, 18-5

The Zeros get punked by the JeStErS in a massive blowout. The best team of 2018 chose to immediately go into a rebuild, apparently, dropping four straight to open the 2019 campaign. JASON WINS, 47-6

The Sausages move to 3-1 on the season with a clutch overtime win over the Braggadocios. Brandon clawed back from down 20 to tie the game and force the overtime period, but like a toddler that is about to have a total meltdown, they simply ran out of juice. STEVEN WINS, 35-28

The Tichorrhines arrived to an empty stadium, rumors of the Androids recompiling swirling among the concessions stands staff. Sure enough, the Androids failed to show. Still, somehow Travis needed overtime to overcome a team that didn’t even play. But, a win’s a win. TRAVIS WINS, 58-0.

The Miranda Martians required overtime to take down Ethan for the second time this season. The game was back and forth throughout regulation, but once overtime kicked off, the Evil Entities played like a dissected frog in high school biology: no heart. MIRANDA WINS, 34-17

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Cutthroats had a nice run with the NPL Title Belt, but Davena’s got schemes. The Ballerinas wait until Prime Time to make their move for the top of the standings, and this narrow win at home is just enough to force a three-way tie atop the Oracle Division. DAVENA WINS, 34-31