Rachel Beats Ethan Off In Front of Cheering Audience!

The Michael Minotaurs win their second straight, taking down the Ryan Reremice in OT. Both teams were deadlocked at 15, until Mikhail Minnotarvic knocked in a 68 yard field goal on 4th and 17 to pull ahead with 0:28 left on the game clock. MICHAEL WINS, 18-15

The Javlineers are one of the top offenses in the Soothsayer Conference, but that isn’t translating to wins. To make matters worse, that offense loses their starting QB, Joshtin Stubbert, for four to six weeks with a dislocated sense of worth. The Baboons win big! BERKENBILE WINS, 35-14

NPL Title Belt Match!

So far this season, the player that wins the Title Belt match gets one successful defense of said belt, then loses it the following week. This is “the following week” for the Vapulaters and they continue the trend! While Vince put up a solid showing on offense, the Micropolitans were able to stay undefeated early in the season. The NPL Title Belt changes hands once again as MATT WINS, 26-14

The JeStErS are still one of the top offenses in the NPL, but were simply out-dueled by the red hot rookie franchise Samuel Sackbuts, whose offense is hitting notes that were unheard of before the rule change that allowed for sexual advances on the field. SAMUEL WINS, 44-21

The Jerry-Cari rivalry had a new look this season, with both teams actually having a winning record when they faced each other. The Jaws-of-Life were able to sneak away with the road win here, but it has, thus far, been a rather encouraging season for the ‘Bous! JERRY WINS, 27-13

The BB Cannons wish they could have that overtime 2-pt conversion back after dropping this one by one point. The Rock Lobsters were able to stop the triple reverse option pass play cooked up by the BB Cannons playcallers and put the BB Cannons in the cellar at 1-3. RICKY WINS, 35-34

The Braggadocios didn’t need much from their offense to claim the W in this one. They shutout the home team Adam Bombs with a conservative “ask the defense if they’re ready before snapping the ball” offense, which is very polite. BRANDON WINS, 20-0

The LeScavengers once again find themselves asking ‘How did it go wrong this time?’ LeScoot has their best game of the year offensively, but watched the Blue Tits and their #3 offense pull away for the overtime win. BETTE WINS, 38-25

The Zeros again send that many players to the stadium, gifting their opponents a victory for the second time this season. Miranda will take the free W and move to .500 on the year. MIRANDA WINS, 27-0

The Wrecking Balls are extremely allergic to the loss column, doing all they can to stay away from it. They move to 4-0 after taking down their division rivals in this one. RACHEL WINS, 26-13

The Cutthroats gash the Tichorrhines here with a statement victory. Travis, though one of the better offenses in the league, just can’t figure out how to play defense it seems. They fall to 1-3 on this three game losing streak. COREY WINS, 35-21

The entire Labeorphiles offense was extremely hungover following their week long $228,838 bar tab they compiled when celebrating their their previous win. Thankfully, the Androids were unable to update in time for the game and didn’t show. LACI WINS, 9-0

The Juggernauts fall to 2-2 after dropping this one to the Bongos. Brian secures a nice winning streak of three games with the modest W on this one. BRIAN WINS, 17-6

The Ballerinas are having a fantastic year so far, moving up to 3-1 on the year, just one game back from the Jellyfish, whom they face next week. Kevin, on the other hand, drops to 0-4 on the year and the suckfest of Axell and Kevin (combined 1-7) will be on display in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME next weekend. Yikes. DAVENA WINS, 19-5

The Jellyfish double up the Abactors in this one, remaining one of the few undefeated teams in the NPL going into Week 5. The Abactors fall to 1-3 on the year with their struggling offense failing to keep up with the rest of the division. JENNIFER WINS, 44-22

The Steven Sausages look to bounce back and upset the home team Cannibals here in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME, returning to their roots by first challenging the home team to a dance off instead of a coin toss to determine the opening kick off. They lost that. Then they lost pretty much every other match-up throughout this game. The Cannibals must have felt bad late in the 4th quarter, and took two safeties rather than punt from their own endzone. Reportedly, that did help Steven morale for next week. CHRIS WINS, 35-4