Does anyone still want to play?

by Benedict Undersnatch

October 12, 2021

NPL Week 5 – Results!

The NPL sets a new low with NINE teams failing to show up for their games, despite multiple reminders. This more than doubles the previous no-show record. Half of those that did show up are in various states of frustration, having to lose to their opponents, while their division rivals are simply gifted a win. It’s a dark day for the NPL.

Ryan
vs
Berkenbile

The Reremice bounce back, toppling the Baboons before they could get any momentum going in the Prophet Division. This puts both teams at 2-3 on the year, but only one game back in the most competitive division in the NPL. RYAN WINS, 34-27

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Ryan
6
4
3
34
Berkenbile
6
4
10
27
Josh
vs
Michael

The Javelineers turn to JVIII to lead the offense once again. He does an admiral job, tossing three touchdown passes in the losing effort. However, the Minotaurs otherwise dominated in every other aspect of the game. Emerging as the only winning record in the Prophet Division, MICHAEL WINS, 45-22

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Josh
6
4
11
22
Michael
8
2
14
45
Matt
vs
Samuel

NPL Title Belt Match!

The 3-1 rookie franchise Samuel Sackbuts host the 4-0 sophomore franchise and Title Belt holder in the Matt Micropolitans. Samuel boasts the top offense in the Soothsayer Conference after five weeks, but could not overpower the current Title Belt trend of “Win, Defend, Lose”. This is Matt’s “Defend” step and it is the way. MATT WINS, 19-5

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Matt
5
5
3
19
Samuel
4
6
18
5
Jason
vs
Vince

Neither Jason nor Vince submitted picks.

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Jason
1
4
43
77
Vince
1
4
56
64
Jerry
vs
Ricky

Jerry gets right back on their winning ways, shutting out the Rock Lobsters in this one. Ricky is still in the hunt early on, just two games back from first place. Plenty of time for Rhino Mean to perfect his ‘Falcon Punch’ stiff arm. JERRY WINS, 20-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Jerry
5
5
5
20
Ricky
3
7
2
0
Brent
vs
Cari

Cari did not submit picks. BRENT WINS, 29-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Brent
6
4
9
29
Cari
1
4
30
0
Brandon
vs
LeScoot

LeScoot did not submit picks. BRANDON WINS, 28-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Brandon
6
4
7
28
LeScoot
1
4
30
0
Bette
vs
Adam

The Adam Bombs just can’t catch a break. They went toe to toe with the Blue Tits on offense in this one, then watched it slip away in overtime. Meanwhile, one third of the league gifted wins to their opponents. Life is not fair. BETTE WINS, 40-31

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Bette
6
4
7
40
Adam
6
4
16
31
Ethan
vs
Kelly

Kelly did not submit picks. ETHAN WINS, 18-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Ethan
5
5
9
18
Kelly
1
4
30
0
Miranda
vs
Rachel

Miranda did not submit picks. RACHEL WINS, 35-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Miranda
1
4
29
0
Rachel
7
3
10
35
Corey
vs
Laci

Corey did not submit picks. LACI WINS, 37-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Corey
1
4
29
0
Laci
7
3
14
37
Andrew
vs
Travis

The Androids bounced back nicely after no-showing last week. Apparently they did not get the memo that Week 5 was the impromptu ‘walk-off’ protest from players around the league. They demolish the Travis Tichorrhines in this one. ANDREW WINS, 38-6

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Andrew
7
3
29
38
Travis
4
6
8
6
Steven
vs
Joel

The poor Sausages put up an impressive 48 points in a losing effort in a week where just about any other opponent would have been an easy victory. The keys for the team bus have been hidden to prevent an outraged player or coach from jerking the wheel and ending their misery. JOEL WINS, 49-48

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Steven
8
2
7
48
Joel
8
2
6
49
Brian
vs
Chris

Chris did not submit picks. BRIAN WINS, 38-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Brian
7
3
15
38
Chris
1
4
30
0
Jennifer
vs
DaVena

Like the outrage felt by the Steven Sausages in their high scoring loss, the Jellyfish similarly raise their hands in a collective “Are you fucking kidding me?!” loss to the host DaVena Ballerinas in overtime. The Jellyfish get their first L of the year as the Ballerinas dance their way to a tie atop the division. DAVENA WINS, 57-52

Game decided by the Monday Madness Tiebreaker!
Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Jennifer
8
2
15
52
DaVena
8
2
10
57
Kevin
vs
Axell
Game of the Week

In PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME… Axell did not submit picks. KEVIN WINS, 56-0

Correct
Incorrect
MM Off By
Score
Kevin
9
1
13
56
Axell
1
4
30
0

Player of the Week

Kevin Killcows

Kevin Killcows

Correct: 9, Incorrect: 1, MM off by: 13

Solo Soothsayer
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Lonesome Loser
Monday Magician
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