The Androids Execute the ‘Blowout Win’ Protocol

The Minotaurs sure gave the good guys a scare in this one, taking the game to overtime before the Javelineers were able to put it away for the W.

JOSH WINS, 31-26

The Reremice get destroyed by the Baboons here, furthering the long history of Bat-Monkey violence.

BERKENBILE WINS, 37-6

The Micropolitans make no apologies about their Super Soaker-filled-with-hot-sauce defensive approach. While not technically against the rules to spray hot sauce in the faces of your opponents, does it have to be Taco Bell Diablo sauce?

MATT WINS, 36-14

The Eruption started the season with an abundance of confidence, but one gets the sense that it won’t last after this rather pathetic defeat at the hands of the Vapulaters.

VINCE WINS, 8-0

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Jaws-of-Life really wanted to get that NPL Title Belt back, but Brent has already had it re-sized and bedazzled in BB Cannons colors and just simply refuses to lose it.

BRENT WINS, 45-30

With only six arrests in regulation, this was one of the more peaceful renewals of the Rock Lobsters – Bous rivalry. And with the victory here, Ricky moves to 12-9 in their match-ups, which will certainly increase that arrests number.

RICKY WINS, 27-15

The Blue Tits didn’t run into much resistance from the LeScavengers here, who are still waiting on their first W of the season. Maybe Bette can lend them one of their three.

BETTE WINS, 18-4

The Braggadocios do a do-si-do and switch to a run heavy offense for this match-up, a move not anticipated by the Adam Bombs defense who showed up with garbage can lids duct taped to their gloves in hopes of breaking up some passes.

BRANDON WINS, 45-21

While it’s no surprise to see the Wrecking Balls atop the division, it is rather unusual to see the Evil Entities winless at the bottom of the conference. Rachel makes easy work of this one.

RACHEL WINS, 54-24

Kelly has little trouble with the home team in this one, forcing an NPL best nine three-and-outs on defense, which many speculate did not help the Martians offense.

KELLY WINS, 35-6

Could the Labeorphiles be legit this season? They improve to 2-1 on the year and sport one of the top offenses in the conference. They spoil an otherwise impressive performance from the visiting Corey offense.

LACI WINS, 56-32

The Tichorrhines offense has been all but extinct so far this season, and they get shutout by the surprise Androids here. Andrew moves to 3-0 on the year, one of the few undefeated teams left in the early NPL season.

ANDREW WINS, 38-0

The Bongos bounce back, upsetting the home team Juggernauts. They were without Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg in the second half, who had to leave to film a cereal commercial again.

BRIAN WINS, 27-12

The Cannibals make a Sausage scramble, dicing up the competition with a quick passing game, slicing them up with an efficient running attack, mixing them in with some eggs, potatoes, and peppers, and… where was I?

CHRIS WINS, 38-14

The Jellyfish weren’t exactly a highlight reel on offense, but they did do the important thing: score more points than the other team. DaVena joins the home team in the division cellar at 1-2 thanks to this L.

JENNIFER WINS, 20-5

Don’t look now, but the Axell Abactors are the top team in the NPL. They put the #1 offense display in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME and prove to be too much for the visiting Killcows defense. After going up 45-10, the Abactors even pulled their starters. Thinking this was a psychological ploy, the Killcows also pulled their starters. Eventually, both teams had fans suiting up to fill out the rosters. It was confusing.

AXELL WINS, 55-23