Bette Shocks LeScoot in Overtime Thriller!

The Javelineers cruise past the JMJJ-less Juggernauts. The legendary kicker is currently filming his villain turn across from Daniel Radcliffe’s James Bond in the upcoming ‘The Man with the Golden Boot’.

JOSH WINS, 37-12

The Sausages hung on the ropes absorbing haymakers until the final regulation whistle. By the time the OT period kicked off, Ryan was clearly gassed.

STEVEN WINS, 42-35

The Minotaurs held onto a precarious lead late in the 4th quarter, with the Cannibals on the door step of a game-tying touchdown. The pass was in fact a TD, just 97 yards in the opposite direction to put this one out of reach.

MICHAEL WINS, 36-22

NPL Title Belt Match!

The Micropolitans make easy work of their hosts, the Eruption, in this Title Belt match-up. The Eruption are rumored to be moving on from their tackling coach, an 8-year old tabby name Deuces, after this game saw too many paws to the face penalties.

MATT WINS, 38-22

The Sackbuts put more pressure on all three QBs of the Vapulaters than an Asian parent does with their kids at SAT time. Samuel had more sack lunches than a fifth grade field trip.

SAMUEL WINS, 38-0

Sure, the Rock Lobsters got crushed, but they did record a safety in the 4th quarter that was very satisfying, and something of a moral victory all things considered.

BRENT WINS, 29-5

A middling performance from the host Cari Bous sees the stands emptying in the third quarter, down 37-7. Said one fan, “I have to go tell my kid they can’t get braces because dad spent $1,382 on a nosebleed ticket, just to see his team get obliterated.”

JERRY WINS, 37-14

The Bombs blow up for 21 unanswered points in the second half, taking full advantage of an obscure substitution rule that allowed them to have three additional players on offense if the quarter ended before a player could run off the field.

ADAM WINS, 36-22

The Blue Tits opted for the 2-point conversion attempt in the final minutes of overtime, rather than play another bonus period. The injury-plagued LeScavengers players were heard on NPL’s Mic’d Out saying “Let them score so we can go home for the day,” before the attempt, not realizing that stopping them would have also ended the game.

BETTE WINS, 41-40

The Labeorphiles came to town to play and put up an impressive 5-touchdown performance in regulation. Unfortunately, the Androids AI analyzed their play design and was able to copy its success, forcing overtime where they’d be the lone team to score.

ANDREW WINS, 42-35

The Cutthroats WR-Reverse-Throwback-to-QB offense confounded the home team Tichorrhines, who had no answer for the opposing receivers throwing for 327 yards and four TDs.

COREY WINS, 44-6

The Ballerinas had no answers on the road in this one. The Wrecking Balls crossed the goal line fast and frequently, like someone using the wall-jump shortcut in Wario Stadium for Mario Kart 64.

RACHEL WINS, 37-6

The Kelly Zeros make easy work of the Jennifer Jellyfish in week two, showcasing a high-flying offense that saw three separate touchdowns of 70+ yards in the third quarter alone.

KELLY WINS, 37-13

The Evil Entities proved to be too spooky to handle for the Abactors at home. The visitors took their foot off the gas in the second half and still served a goose egg omelette.

ETHAN WINS, 26-0

The Killcows struggled to get things going against the Martians in the first half, shut out 9-0. But like a 4-door sedan on a poorly paved freeway, things really got interesting once they found a groove.

KEVIN WINS, 26-12

The Baboons played hosts to the visiting Bongos in a PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME match-up some fans called “The Rumble in the Jungle 2: Yes, We Recognize That These Animals Don’t Actually Live in Jungles”. Like long distance secret lovers in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, this was a back and forth affair until Brian’s final drive.

BERKENBILE WINS, 36-21