The NPL’s switch to Nerf footballs hinders offenses league wide!

This game had “instant classic” written all over it, but apparently the Ryan Reremice didn’t get that memo. Instead it was “instantly forgettable” for the Reremice, but “a memory we will always cherish” for the Berkenbile Baboons, who get the easy blowout victory.

BERKENBILE WINS, 27-0

MIDWAY POINT: Both the Ryan Reremice and the Berkenbile Baboons have had fantastic starts to the 2026 season. Ryan sits at 4-3 with the t-7th best offense in the NPL, his standing hampered by a 1-2 overtime record. Berkenbile takes his 6th ranked offense into the second half of the season at 5-2, tied with the Josh Javelineers for the Prophet Division lead. This marks the second consecutive year where all four teams in the Prophet Division had winning records at the turn. Best division in the NPL!

The Michael Minotaurs really wanted this one, but they ran into a hot Josh Javelineers on the road. The hometown heroes win by two scores to end up in the better half of the fiercely contested Prophet Division at the season’s turn.

JOSH WINS, 19-5

MIDWAY POINT: The Michael Minotaurs have taken the long route to a winning first half record at 4-3. They won their first three games with little resistance, but have gone 1-3 since, their t-24th ranked offense not topping 15 points since Week Two. Conversely, the Josh Javelineers offense put up two duds in Weeks Three and Four, dragging their first half rank down t-11th in the NPL, but they’ve been strong otherwise and find themselves tied with the Baboons at 5-2 for the Prophet Division lead.

NPL fans were hoping this game would be flexed to Priiiiiiime Tiiiiiiime, considering it’s two former 2026 NPL Title Belt holders, one at 5-1 and the other at 4-2 heading into the midway point. But, the NPL doesn’t flex games because we care about our fans (unlike some other leagues). The Samuel Sackbuts get the best of the Matt Micropolitans in this one, forcing a 5-2 tie atop the Mystic Division at the turn.

SAMUEL WINS, 27-6

MIDWAY POINT: The Samuel Sackbuts have early bragging rights over the Matt Micropolitans in this one. Both teams are deadlocked at 5-2 heading into the second half of the season, but Samuel has the narrow advantage on offense. The Sackbuts offense ranks t-3rd in the NPL, while the Micropolitans offense lags behind, t-9th in the league.

The Erik Eruption didn’t need all 19 points to get the victory here. The visiting Vince Vapulaters were more like the Crapulaters in this one, not even crossing into Eruption territory on offense.

ERIK WINS, 19-0

MIDWAY POINT: Both the 1-6 Vince Vapulaters and 3-4 Erik Eruption are actually better than their records suggest. Vince’s t-24th ranked offense has had some duds, but they’ve put up 30+ points three times and two of their losses came in overtime. This loss is an anomaly, not a trend. Watch for a rebound for Vince. The Erik Eruption have the 22nd ranked offense, but that rank is dragged down by a poor Week One showing. Since then, they’ve averaged 24+ points per game, making their losses hard earned wins for their opponents.

The Jerry Jaws-of-Life’s team plane flew through a temporal vortex on Saturday before the game, reappearing on Monday morning to find they had lost without playing. Somehow, they made a game of it against the Brent BB Cannons, who needed the overtime period against the temporal phantoms playing in Jerry’s place.

BRENT WINS, 32-25

MIDWAY POINT: The Jerry Jaws-of-Life season has been a frustrating one so far. Sitting at 16th ranked on offense, they’ve dropped three games in overtime en route to their 2-5 record, which puts them in the Psychic Division cellar. The Brent BB Cannons, on the other hand, have had hills and valleys in their scoring, their t-22nd ranked offense and their 2-0 overtime record keeping them just ahead of the hotly contested Psychic Division.

The Cari Bous continue to scratch, claw, and bite their way to a winning record in hopes of claiming the Psychic Division title for the first time since 2016. (That seems like it’s recent, but that’s 10 seasons ago, people!) They make relatively easy work of the Ricky Rock Lobsters here.

CARI WINS, 18-4

MIDWAY POINT: The Ricky Rock Lobsters have been solid on offense, t-13th in scoring in the NPL, but they’ve had a couple stinkers which has kept them, so far, out of contention at 3-4. The Cari Bous have had better luck despite a much worse offense (27th), reaching the turn at 4-3 thanks to some low-scoring wins (two of them over Ricky!).

The frustrations build for the LeScoot LeScavengers as their hot 3-1 start has been completely nullified by a three game losing streak. The Adam Bombs end their own losing streak with the decisive home victory.

ADAM WINS, 27-5

MIDWAY POINT: The LeScoot LeScavengers (3-4) started out red hot, averaging 30+ points in the first three weeks of the season. They haven’t touched that offensive production since and find themselves ranked t-19th on offense in the league. The Adam Bombs have been more consistent, but a three game losing streak, punctuated by a three point loss in overtime, really soured an otherwise strong first half.

The Rachel Wrecking Balls really have the Ethan Evil Entities’ number. This victory improves Rachel’s regular season record against Ethan to 15-9 all time.

RACHEL WINS, 26-13

MIDWAY POINT: The defending Seer Cup Champions have been rather inconsistent on offense so far in 2026. The Ethan Evil Entities offense ranks t-13th in the NPL, but they share 3rd place in the Augur Division with the Martians, thanks to a boom or bust approach to scoring. The Rachel Wrecking Balls, however, are yet again one of the strongest teams in the Clairvoyant Conference. They have the t-3rd best offense in the league and t-2nd best record (5-2) in the conference at the turn.

The Miranda Martians stay in the hunt after taking down the Kelly Zeros, handing the home team their second straight defeat. The Augur Division finish in the second half will be one to watch!

MIRANDA WINS, 18-5

MIDWAY POINT: The Miranda Martians finish the first half at 3-4 with the 29th ranked offense, which will need to change if they wish to stay in the hunt with the Wrecking Balls, Evil Entities, and Zeros in the Augur Division. The Kelly Zeros have the opposite problem, holding the 2nd ranked offense in the NPL but still find themselves sitting at 4-3 behind the Wrecking Balls (5-2).

The second Suck Bowl of 2026 pits the visiting Andrew Androids and their 1-5 record against the hosting Laci Labeorphiles and their 1-5 record. The Androids merged in their latest build that tracked the drunkest players on the opposing team to target them with free Jello shots.

ANDREW WINS, 29-14

MIDWAY POINT: Both the Andrew Androids and the Laci Labeorphiles have played surprisingly well considering their win-loss records (2-5 and 1-6, respectively). Andrew sits at 18th in offense, averaging 30+ points when they show up (they’ve given out two free wins). Laci is right there at t-19th on offense, with fine performances throughout the first half, peppered with the occasional dud.

The Travis Tichorrhines didn’t feel like playing this week, which is a shame, because a victory over the hometown Corey Cutthroats would have forced a tie atop the Auspex Division heading into the second half of the season.

COREY WINS, 19-5

MIDWAY POINT: The Travis Tichorrhines have an attendance issue, giving out two free wins so far. They have a 3-2 record when they show up, despite the 31st ranked offense. The Corey Cutthroats have been doing great, however, with the t-7th ranked offense in the NPL. They sit at 5-2 atop the Auspex Division, with those two losses coming from defensive failures, giving up 50+ points in each.

The Brian Bongos had a real opportunity to keep the Steven Sausages in check at the top of the Oracle Division, but let this one slip away in overtime to lose their second straight.

STEVEN WINS, 21-16

MIDWAY POINT: The Steven Sausages have cruised to a league-best 6-1 record, dropping just one game in an overtime loss to the Cannibals. They’ve spent much of the season in overtime, compiling a 3-1 record with the bonus period, thanks to their t-3rd ranked offense. The Brian Bongos have been one of the better offenses in the Clairvoyant Conference, 15th overall in the NPL, but their record doesn’t reflect that. They sit at 3-4 thanks to a few duds.

The Joel Juggernauts were without Joel Michael Jowell-Jollsberg, who was called in for reshoots on the upcoming ‘The Man with the Golden Leg’, the James Bond feature starring Daniel Radcliffe. Thankfully, the defense really shined today, holding the visiting Chris Cannibals out of the red zone for the entirety of this one.

JOEL WINS, 17-4

MIDWAY POINT: The Joel Juggernauts were listless to start this season, going 0-3 out of the gate. They’ve since bounced back, their offense climbing to 9th after winning four straight to find themselves two games back from the division lead. The Chris Cannibals offense hasn’t found its footing this season, they rank at 28th in scoring and land at 2-5 going into the second half. One positive is that they’re undefeated in overtime this year, which is a nice change.

NPL Title Belt Match!

The NPL Title Belt has changed hands! The Jennifer Jellyfish defended it for two weeks before the Kevin Killcows stunned them with the overtime victory in this match-up.

KEVIN WINS, 41-32

MIDWAY POINT: The Kevin Killcows are an anomaly. They are one game back of the top record in the Clairvoyant Conference at 5-2, despite having the t-22nd best offense and failing to top 15 points (in regulation) for six of the seven weeks played. The Jennifer Jellyfish are reasonably frustrated by this, as they sport the 17th ranked offense, best in the Sage Division, yet are still one game back of Kevin at 4-3.

The DaVena Ballerinas have a relaxing day away from their home office, needing minimal effort to topple the winless hosts, the Axell Abactors.

DaVENA WINS, 28-6

MIDWAY POINT: The DaVena Ballerinas are tied with the Jellyfish at 4-3, both one game back of the Killcows. DaVena is 21st in scoring in the NPL, but that is still one of the stronger offenses in the Clairvoyant Conference. The Axell Abactors struggles continue, taking a 0-7 record and the league’s worst offense (32 of 32) into the second half of the season.

The Bette Blue Tits travel to take on the Brandon Braggadocios in PRIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME. This one spills into Priiiiiiime Ooooooovertime, where the Braggadocios are able to put it away for the victory.

BRANDON WINS, 33-26

MIDWAY POINT: The Bette Blue Tits offensive struggles (30th ranked in the NPL) have dragged them down into the Foreteller Division cellar at 2-5. But there is plenty of time left to turn things around, as they are only two games out of first. Brandon sits alone atop the Foreteller Division at 4-3. While the record isn’t exactly eye-catching, look for that gap between Brandon’s wins and losses to expand. The Braggadocios are the NPL’s #1 offense at the midway point.