The NPL

Underdogs Face Overdogs in the Conference Championships!

by Bernard Bagelbite

January 10, 2021

NPL Playoffs – Conference Championships

The 12-2’s host the 9-5’s! The 9-5’s look to play upset and take down the 12-2’s, while the 12-2’s look to not be a massive disappointment to all of their fans in the world! Who will win? The 12-2 facing the 9-5? Or the 9-5 facing the 12-2? Tune in today sometime between nine and five, with certainly at least one kickoff between twelve and two! It’s the NPL Conference Championships!

Can the Androids Compile Another Victory in Their First Post-Season?

by Benedict Undersnatch

January 3, 2021

NPL Playoffs – Divisional Round

The Ryan Reremice keep the pedal to the floor, putting their unstoppable defense against the top offense of the NPL in the Brandon Braggadocios! The regular season rivalry between Brent and Jerry gets its very first post-season renewal! The Cutthroats try to capture that 2015 magic to stay alive for their second Seer Cup, but the Miranda Martians stand firmly in their way! And the surprise Andrew Androids try to keep the magic alive in their first post-season in franchise history, visiting the perennially okay Kevin Killcows! It’s the NPL Playoffs, Divisional Round!

The Wild Card Round Gets Wild!

by Bernard Bagelbite

December 24, 2020

NPL Playoffs – Wild Card Round

The Javelineers visit the division rival that pulled down their banner and wiped their asses with it. The BB Cannons go on the road to remind a rookie franchise just what suffering is meant to be like as a fresh franchise in this league. The Androids’ programming confuses the slow moving human minds of the Steven Sausages. And the Cutthroats cut loose on the Evil Entities. We’ve got highlights, stats, play-by-play calls, and plenty of alcohol to drown away the end-of-season depression for those players watching at home. It’s the NPL Playoffs, 2020!

The NPL Awards – 2020

by Eleanor Crosby

December 16, 2020

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen! I’d offer a special thanks to our media partners, sponsors, respected officials and our very talented athletes if we had any. I heartily welcome you all to the 2020 NPL Awards!

It does not give me pleasure to host this ceremony, since I am not paid for this appearance! This event truly showcases the commitment that all the NPL players have shown towards tapping their phone a dozen times then pressing “Submit”. Our finely tuned prognosticators have made us extremely proud. Except Brent. We forever shall be shamed by his actions.

Today, we are here to announce the lucky winners of the 2020 NPL Awards! A huge congratulations to all the finalists, you have definitely set a very admiring benchmark for all these other losers to imitate. Let’s get to it!

For Some, It’s Done – For Others, the Grind Continues!

by Evee Bubblebutt

NPL Week 14 – RESULTS!

Week 14 is in the books, which means it’s time to round out the year with a look back on our NPL Rewind segment. Roll film. We don’t have film? We’re text only? Fuck… I didn’t prepare for this. Let me write something up real quick.