Andrew Androids Tight End Retires
AE-16623-T’s primary operational protocol has been functioning as tight end for the Androids for the last four years. After three games into the 2016 season, the towering droid has decided to retire. AE-16623-T cited his taking care of its servo actuators as well as its central processors before the violent NPL game renders them obsolete.
Said AE-16623-T: “01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100010 01110101 01101001 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01110010 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101100 01100100.”
Ethan Ebow Involved in Locker Room Altercation
Ethan Ebow, the controversial quarterback of the Evil Entities, was involved in a heated argument in the locker room following Wednesday night’s practice.
Ebow was seen on his knees bathed in a heavenly glow from an unknown source, shouting toward the sky “Father! Give me more time! I need more time!” Sources described the scene as deeply moving, having a profound effect on Ebow’s teammates.
“When he started levitating toward the light, I was freaked the **** out, man”, said All-Pro WR Ethan Edelman. “And where the **** was that heavenly chanting coming from? What the ****!?”