The NPL - The NPL Awards

The NPL Awards – 2020

by Eleanor Crosby

December 16, 2020

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen! I’d offer a special thanks to our media partners, sponsors, respected officials and our very talented athletes if we had any. I heartily welcome you all to the 2020 NPL Awards!

It does not give me pleasure to host this ceremony, since I am not paid for this appearance! This event truly showcases the commitment that all the NPL players have shown towards tapping their phone a dozen times then pressing “Submit”. Our finely tuned prognosticators have made us extremely proud. Except Brent. We forever shall be shamed by his actions.

Today, we are here to announce the lucky winners of the 2020 NPL Awards! A huge congratulations to all the finalists, you have definitely set a very admiring benchmark for all these other losers to imitate. Let’s get to it!

For Some, It’s Done – For Others, the Grind Continues!

by Evee Bubblebutt

NPL Week 14 – RESULTS!

Week 14 is in the books, which means it’s time to round out the year with a look back on our NPL Rewind segment. Roll film. We don’t have film? We’re text only? Fuck… I didn’t prepare for this. Let me write something up real quick.

Some Teams Score More Points Than Their Opponents!

by Evee Bubblebutt

NPL Week 13 – RESULTS!

Berkenbile rolls over and exposes their bellies to the Reremice in a display of submission! Ethan and Rachel settle their disputes by smashing bodies together! DaVena doesn’t like to accessorize and is quick to give the NPL Title Belt away! The BB Cannons show the Rock Lobsters a really good time in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIIME!

It’s An Offensive Explosion for Week 12 in the NPL!

by Evee Bubblebutt

NPL Week 12 – RESULTS!

Five games spill to overtime, four teams dominate on offense, three players are killed in action (an NPL all-time low!), two teams play in PRIIIIIIME TIIIIIIME (that’s pretty standard) and one team doesn’t even bother to show up at all. It’s the NPL, Week 12!

Everyone’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

by Evee Bubblebutt

December 11, 2020

NPL Week 11 – RESULTS!

The struggling Tichorrhines continue to CRY, BABY, CRY, while the Jaws-of-Life are the next to fail to CARRY THAT WEIGHT of the NPL Title Belt. The Minotaurs were able to score ANY TIME AT ALL against the Sausages in PRIIIIIIIME TIIIIIIIME! It’s the Week Eleven results, The Beatles theme!